If you’re reading this i hope you’re taking care of your mental during this time of uncertainty. Of staleness and monotony. Of having too much alone time with your thoughts.

But also i have a question , leave a comment with your answer

“How do you think you could go about recovering from the unrecoverable?”

I wish

I wish i could wake up tomorrow. And have realized i was living one big nightmare.

To have a reset button.

To be able to start all over again.

A second chance at one of the most meaningful phases of my life.

But that would be too easy.

This lockdown is already hard enough.

But now wallowing in self pity.

Self-hatred.

Disgust….

I don’t think i have it in me.

The strength to pull through this.

The will to forgive myself.

I just hope it gets easier.

I just hope we’re okay.

Oh how i wish it could’ve been different

The pain we put each other through

We fought and argued

Tussled and Bustled

All the past pain we had bottled

We just sprayed at each other

No place to guide it

But at what we had in front of us

Being stuck in one place

We had no choice to but to suck it up

No choice but face it

The damage we were causing

With no known precautions

Boundaries were crossed

And I think both sides were to blame

Strategies became the same

One up the destruction

To cause us more pain

Then we’d go back

To Putting on our fakest smiles

our happiest faces

Gave it all I had

But i guess everything changes

Im the Tormented soul all the angels Missed

Tempted by the Devil’s grip

Tried working with what i had control over

But only ended up making slips

So angry all the time, Always on edge

It was bound to explode the way that it did

Take me to a heartbreakers anonymous

So i can open up

At times it seemed you never gave a fuck, Jane Villanueva

While my heart for you was as bottomless as Kaiadas

While you probably thought i was a big ole’ complainer

A confrontational stranger

So for now I’ll crawl as deep as i can into the pain of my brain

Try to come back to the world after lockdown a completely changed man

I’ll work on me for me

I’m gonna Battle all my demons

Call me Jensen Ackles

Cause it just got a whole lot emptier in my world

And all my darkest thoughts echo.

“Your future self sees you tonight. What do they make of who you are? Write eight lines from them to you, and eight lines back to them, from you.”

Dear Present Dave:

Go easier on yourself. You’re human. You’re allowed to mess this up sometimes. As long as you don’t dwell too much on those screw ups You’ll be okay. You’re where you need to be. You should definitely read more. You need to write more. Find something you’re passionate about and stick to it. You don’t want to reach my age and be stuck in the same place you’re in now. Continue to work on yourself and make the most out of what you want in this life.

Dear Fewture* Dave:

Does it get easier? What should i get myself into these days? I have nothing but time in this lockdown. I always feel lost, like a shell of who i could be. But enough about me. I believe in you to be honest. I know you’ve made something of yourself. That you went for what you wanted most. That you’ve been a positive member of whatever communities you have reached. I hope you’ve touched the Seven continents. I hope you’ve climbed that mountain. I hope you worked on yourself. That you’re a good father. I hope I just get to make it where you are.

P.S. KyAsia thanks for the prompt. You’re missed.

P.P.S. The song of my day is… Erykah Badu- Hello.

 

Shouts out to all the pain we shared .

The shelf i packed my passion on

The bin where my ambition lives

Depressed and I’ve been hiding it.

 

Change myself just to fit a mold

Of people who were not themselves

Hated me for being me

But really it was jealousy.

I use to beat myself up.

Kept my feelings locked up.

Bottled up

So pressure built to occasional explosions.

 

Paid for that with lost love

Lost friends

Scarred hearts

Digging myself deeper and deeper into this labyrinth.

 

And i needed light in the worst way.

To help beat the demons that visited me on my worst days.

25, the darkest days.

25 and in my darkest space.

 

Life is strange.

Peaks and valleys like the Himalayas.

 

Trying to surround myself with good energy.

Lot’s of love and opportunity.

For growth,

Learning,

Figuring out how to love myself.

Watering the one’s I love

Until we learn to love ourselves.

Teach ourselves to be ourselves.

Teach ourselves.

And be Ourselves.

Empowering each other.

 

We’re on this journey to create change.

Spread love and positivity.

Burn our damaged bridges

To lead to new opportunities.

Avoiding toxicity.

Thriving in on own skin.

Supporting our own kind.

Trusting our own minds.

 

And to touch on her.

Because she clouds my vision.

I hope she goes for shit

And chases her ambitions.

Starts her own traditions.

Follows her intuition.

Breaks the chains

Of anything that hold her down.

Spreads her wings and leaves the ground.

The sky is just her stepping stone.

Don’t see why she hangs around.

I will propel her.

 

So i tell her go head girl,

Slick your hair back, do your makeup

Or whatever it is you need to do.

But know in your simplest state.

To me you’re still the most beautiful.

A soul I’ve been pulled into.

Your smile is so magnetic.

Your personality is like Gravity,

So go head girl, leave this planet

If you want it then just plan it.

And I know there is no stopping you.

And when you’re on your way

I’ll be the surfer to your Galactus boo.

If you’re reading this…

Then you’re probably one of the very few people I truly cherish in this world.

Just Know I’m always here for you.

If there’s anything I can do to share your burden. To lighten your load. Reach out to me.

 

Wearing my heart on my sleeve

Abandoning images of who i thought i would be

Cautiously wading the waters of insecurity

I’d do anything you’d ask of me

 

Need to sneak a peak

Into the mirror of Erised to find out where my desires be

Cause lately my mind’s been cluttered by self deprecating imagery.

With me playing the villain lead

Being a disappointment to anyone who believed in me

 

You see

I’ve been downing myself since Ernest played the Lion King

Trying to learn to appreciate the finer things

The reminders that what’s behind me

Isn’t at all what’s defining me.

 

Hard of Hearing

But tired of hearing ya.

Salieri.

 

My November Is…

For a large portion of my young adulthood I’ve felt an unease. Like the world around my is moving at a pace i cant mentally or physically match. I’ve felt pressured, whether by society or individuals, to have had accomplished certain things by now, or to move in certain ways. Ways that do not match where i envision myself being at this point in my life. I often feel I must not even be from this planet. An alien plucked from the cosmos left to wander this strange land alone. Well maybe not alone but definitely not in-tune with most of this shit.

That being said, There are the odd moments of magic. Times that i find peace.

Solace.

Happiness even.

Times that are so valuable you just have to try your best to hold on to.

Etched somewhere into your vast files of memory.

So deep that the smaller things get lost amongst the bigger image.

But those smaller things probably being more valuable than the one’s on the forefront of your mind.

I’m going to try and recall some of the moments. The moments I’ve found myself most at peace. The most happy.

The moments we like to call “November’*”

My November is Summer 2016. I think could write a whole book on just how good of a time i had that summer. Just how precious of a space i was in. About how a tiny remote village in the hills of the Darbung region of Gorkha, Nepal would become as close to ‘home’ I’ve ever felt. How at the end of it all my cousin and I truly considered never returning back to Bermuda. But i’ll try to summarize it in this blog post.

So during this summer i got to spend around 45 days in Chapthok. And boy there could have been no way I’d know the development I’d go through in this village. The friends I’d make. And the passion I’d find.

I’d say the biggest blessing of that summer is that i cannot remember a single morning in which i woke up unhappy. Every day, no matter what the time, I was ecstatic To be where i was. Something i rarely can find at home. And having this, just made it all the more easy to just be free.

I met someone who challenged me.

Let’s just say his name was Parle G.

I was fortunate enough to meet this young man who I truly believe is one of the most brilliant people I’ve ever met. Just engaging in dialogue with him was enriching. He also challenged me to switch up my mindset and vocabulary to certain situations. And he really showed me that we(young people) are the innovators and change making forces of the Now. And meeting him helped me realize that you have to go into everything as determined as you can because we do have value and our voices can be heard.

I met family. Shouts out to Devendra, my lil bro, and his family for holding me down.

Shouts out to uncle Huk and his wife for always sharing a smile.

And to everyone who we were building houses for opening their most vulnerable space to us because without them and their stories there wouldn’t have been a summer 2016.

But every thing in Chapthok was amazing. Arrange football games with the locals then having to walk for a 2 hour round trip just to get go the field and back.

Spending time at the school.

Or spending time out with the locals every lunch by the shops.

Getting fed ‘nuff sel roti and curry and teas and corn.

Narsingh Buwa, village elder, pretty much stripping his mango tree fruitless for us.

The viewpoint we had

Were you could just see the world.

And you could be as emotional or goofy as you wanted. And on the clearest days the view we had of the Ginesh Himal range.

The hard work.

Trench mud fights.

Monsoon rain.

DAL BHAT.

Like mountains of dal bhat in your mess tins Dal Bhat.

Never ending dal bhat…

like eating four peoples worth of dal bhat a meal dal bhat.

Self-doubt.

Self-confidence.

Self development.

Spiders and mosquitoes and helicopter beetles.

All the actual legit funny moments made, stories that if you know me you’ve probably heard before, that just never seemed to stop.

Etc.

Shouts out to Caesar And Tara for being like brothers.

And George W, Will, and James for being good friends.

And Prabin who was down the hill somewhere being ugly.

Bless.

The time of my life.

P.S.

I actually went back there the next year

And they put me to work again.

Legendary.

P.S.S

Honourable Mention:

November 2017

Himalayan Escape (which i talked about in one of my earliest blogs.

*november is a Tyler the creator song in which people describe they’re most cherished moments as “november”

I’m going to highlight some of the best places i’ve travelled to.

My faves if you will.

Chapthok

Home away from home. The village that made me feel most at peace and most purposeful. The place where i could wake up 5am and never dread what the day would have in hold. The place where i developed and discovered the best parts of me. And i actually was able to let go some of the worst. A lace that helped mould me into who I am and who I want to be.

Jalan Bukit Vor

A place that opened it’s arms wide in between volunteer trips . And island visits and stays in the city. I hope the kittens are alright .

Tanzania

Awee. Look at babyface Dave. I didn’t realize the life skills and lessons i was learning at this point in my life. Wouldn’t come to value them until a few years later (about 3 years after). I do want to go back and climb Kilimanjaro and see Paschal and Mama Fatayah* .

Lover’s Lake

The closest thing to expedition life i get each year. And something i soon hope to expand on whilst still in Bermuda.

Sundar Bazaar

The home of one of my closest Friend’s. This is where i realized young people all around the world want to be accepted. We can probably find something in common with everyone. And if we highlighted that instead everything we agree on, how much easier navigating this life could be. Shouts out to all the cool people i met in this village. All the weellll tea i drank. And Prabin’s mama for hosting me.

Cambodian Night Markets

This one i don’t have any pics of because I didn’t carry my camera around as much in Cambodia cause I was alone. But i met a real cool guy here who hooked me up with a tuk tuk driver. This was also a beautiful time of self-discovery in my life.

Annapurna

The first of I hope many hikes. Valuable time with Prabin. Time i cherish and often reflect on. I was free. I was at peace. I was happy. Everything around me was fresh and beautiful.

““Hiking is a bit like life: The journey only requires you to put one foot in front of the other…again and again and again. And if you allow yourself the opportunity to be present throughout the entirety of the trek, you will witness beauty every step of the way, not just at the summit” Unknown

I really hope one day to touch all 7 continents. To travel the world. To positively impact every area and person i come into contact with. To be understanding and respectful. To share and host. To exchange culture and ideas. And most of all to not regret anything at the end of my life.

If you’re still reading this I just want to remind you to chase what you’re passionate about. The world is ours .

Hello Myself. Here’s a segment I’m going to do called Dave’s Faves

I pretty much just talk about things i like.

So KyAsia’s wholeAss self asked me to write about my 25 favorite things of all time.

How does that even work.

What is even a “thing”?

Well here i go…

In descending order. My list of 25 things I fave

25 . Sunlight

What would the world be without the light of sun

Cold.

Boring.

Cold.

I’ve been training myself to be able to photosynthesize lately.

And i actually think I’m getting pretty close so yeah

Thanks Sun.

24. YouTube

This platform is magical

Well not necessarily the whole of YouTube

But damn what a time to be alive

Check out this video.

“Get It Green” -TK4L Productions starring Ky

23. Vine

Vine was an OG entertainment platform

People still quote vines to this day

Free sha vaca do or whatevs

22. Life?

Sometimes its pretty shitty so yeah

It can stay its ass in this here spot

21. Earl Sweatshirt

“Why you got necklace?”

Earl in trueness is probably in my top 5 favorite ish of all time

But he popped into my head rn and I’m probably gonna be too lazy to rearrange this later.

20. Way of the peaceful warrior

IDK man

This book just came in clutch really.

19. Frank Oceans

For a time 19 was my favorite number

Idk why

Just was

Now its 13

But why not place my all time favorite artist At this number.

18. Watching Hunter X Hunter

The GOAT Anime/manga

I hope we make a comeback and at least see the Succession War Animated

17. Oxygen

Some good

Clean

Fresh oxygen actually slaps

16. Football

My favorite sport to watch/ talk about/ play

15. Juventus

My fave sports team

Honorable mentions

:Yankees

:Charolette Hornets

14.Roast sessions

Please roast me if you read this

13. Pizza is actually a pretty good food to be honest

12. DTF

Ney How

11. Raleighs

A big part of the man i am

And who i continue to work on becoming so thanks

10. Booty

9. Booooooks

A whole escape

But for me now i can only read if im im the mood

And once i start i keep going til i finish the book

Then i mig not read for another month , two or three.

I start up again and tell myself to read more but dont.

I do want to though

Try to read daily

Novels , magazines, online articles, blogs. Whatevere

8. Laughter

The most universal ‘language’

The most cherished gift you can give

The thing that transcends so much.

Dont be afraid to laugh out loud

And make others laugh

It can do us all some serious good.

7. Friends

Having friends is aiight

6. Music

As a whole

Music is therapy.

Music is what moves the soul

Its what connects us

But its also pure energy and fun

So thanks

5. Traveling

I want to touch all 7 continents so yeah?

4. KyAsias dusty self

3. Poetry

Keep writing

2. COMMUNITY

The thing that saved me the most

When i most needed it

Was Troy and Abeds on screen magic

And it’d be a clear number one if it wasn’t for

1. K.M.K.B-S

You know who you are if you’re reading this.

You’re the best part of my life

And giving anything else the number one spot would be an injustices

All matters live