You know….
It probably was best just to get it right the first time around. But that’s the beauty in life. Sometimes you get a second chance to claim what you initially messed up. So don’t dwell too harshly on how you messed up the first time. Reflect on it, learn the lesson to ensure you take the second chance and fly. Because even though the first time may have been the best time to get it right. The next best time is in the moment you have your second chance .
These are just 3 am thoughts …
I’ve been trying to re-find my balance. I feel so far away from who I was growing to be. I know messing with what my spirit knows is wrong is what knocks me off. My biggest relationship this past year has been with hate. So how could I find the light? I’ve been in hate with myself, the world, sleep even. Relationships should really bring the greatest blessings into my life. That’s my belief.
Well maybe I’m not as flawed as I think… maybe the world is flawed and I’m just doing the best I can to navigate it.
There are these two men that walk around downtown Abbotsford that condemn sinners to hell right? And now whilst I don’t necessary turn my heart to most of what they say … like telling me I’ll go to hell for having an afro…. the last encounter they spoke something real. they told me nothing holy could come from my cellphone because it’s of the devil… Now take that as you might but something in that messaging is true. I just can’t step into all my love and light with one foot obeying God’s plan for me and the other still wanting to test other waters. I miss who I was 8 years ago. I’ve come full circle back into a darker part of me I hoped would never revisit.
Shit Brandy did say “You can’t get to Heaven, half off the ground”.
…This is to a dropped crown. That doesn’t mean you’re not a queen and I’m not a king. I kept yours in a sacred place though. It’s in a place where it would never dull, never chip, never fall again. It had just been waiting for you to come back and claim it. Until we found ourselves again. And finding ourselves can be in each other, in God, in nature, or in everything. That’s what Nepal taught me… the light within myself is reflected in all. the I and I.
Maybe i need to get back to basics. Volunteering and giving more to something bigger than myself. Writing… and i mean really writing. Everyday. Finish these books that have been sitting in my mind’s vaults for a decade now. It’s hard to create when you’re focused on surviving . But i will commit. To myself… to setting ten minutes a day for creativity. Turn this trash ass phone screen oof. And if nothing comes I will just sit with myself for that ten. And if that ten minutes turns to 2 hours who cares? That’s the balance.
Work hard, expand my mind, expand my vocabulary, read more, pray harder… and not just at the end of the day but at all times, break bad habits and replace them with newer and better ones.
I need more. I need to reconnect with myself> But I still want to give thanks to the sad me that resurfaced and kiss him goodbye. Goodbye to the self doubt that no longer serves me, and won’t help me to serve her.
I’ve been apathetic to my own progression can you believe it? The world can make you feel so small. Others can make you feel so irrelevant. But I’m relevant in all I’ve already done. I’m relevant to myself… in every moment and with every breath.
I need more. I’m at another one of those points where my spirit calls for something massive to shift. Just like going to Tanzania at 18. Just like Nepal at 21. I’ve set a few new goals for this year. And who cares if i fail? Once again that’s the balance…
Everything that doesn’t reach me will bring something different that will. The key i possess isn’t meant to unlock every door. And what’s behind every door isn’t meant for a soul like mines. My path is mines. My timing is mines. But one thing is for certain… I want to stop wasting time. In case I don’t have too much more of it left.
This summer is for me… my passions, swimming, her., pictures. sunset, decreased screen time, journaling, exercise, food, smiles, laughs, music, poetry.
in every poem lies the key to solving a problem
the words i write, shed a light on things only my heart has known.
there's so much life in the lines of a poem.
this is therapy to me.
God guides my pen, God guides my seed.
in every problem, there's a poem.
there's a lesson that can't ever be put into words.
but somehow we grasps at the fleeing attempts to categorize our humanity.
these poems help to refined the man I'll be.
How good it is to be loved by God’s literal most perfect angel.
Every day the sun rises…. so every day you and I get a chance to do right by ourselves. remember that.
Love hard. Fall harder.
Finding in myself, the worst reflections of my father.
The Lord above whispering “Hold up just let me guide ya”.
if you’re looking for Dave , the destructive ways is where you’ll find him.
drowning where it’s heavy.
Wya?
.
You are every “thank you” I owe to the Lord. You are every bit of my better history. You altered an otherwise dark path. I could only imagine the shell of myself I’d be if I hadn’t met you. Some history is worth cherishing. You’re every goo learned lesson, every beautiful obstacle, and every ounce of happiness I’ve found.
I have to thank God for putting purity into your smile. Peace emits when your lips curve upwards. It’s like your brown skin is the post stamp on my life’s love letter. The way you shine bright in this world brings a light to me that never dims. Beauty marks, curves, dimple all paint a roadmap to my serenity. Your insecurities give me a place to pour all of this love I have.
History has taught me that this is every chance I need to heal from the hurt this life has caused us. We built a foundation of friendship that could never shatter. Never rock. Never tumble. Only you know the passcode to my heart. But I’m also not afraid to say that it is 11.27.98…
One thing about history though… Is that every day we have a chance to rewrite the story we want it to tell. We can either allow it to be a stain, something we hide away. Or we can wear it like armour, a battle scar, and a lesson learned. History doesn’t have to determine who we will be tomorrow in a negative way. We can be proud of our triumphs whilst still overcoming our failures. But let’s never hide away because ignoring the bad… it may be easier yes, and it may be painful to admit and own some of our worst history… but freedom comes when we use today to rise above. When we choose stepping into our better versions rather than wallowing in neagtivity.
For me there’s no more running away from what I want. If it’s there I claim it. Life maybe be shorter than I can imagine so I want to fall hard. And if i pick up some more bruises along the way that’s fine by me. Because tomorrow’s experiences will one day be history as well and I’ll be able to overcome or cherish those moments to.
I am who i am. f*ck ups and all. I’m an amalgamation of all the troubles I’ve lived. But I’m also who I choose to be. Because for me each day I get to write my own narrative. Nobody else has to lay down in my thoughts at the end of the night. I have to choose what makes me happy. And give dying habits up to history. And pray and work towards a better tomorrow. For me. For Her. For us.
She’s golden.
Every inch of her body has been kissed by divinity.
Every piece of her soul is of heaven.
Her spirit is perfection.
Hi 🙂
This is a prayer for abundance.
Abundance of peace of mind. Abundance of great and wondrous things. And love. And soul fulfillment.
To days spent floating atop the crystal clear waters. To moving past what no longer serves my progression. And to taking heed of the meaning in life’s toughest lessons. And outgrowing the sins of my past and shedding dead skin. I refuse to breathe life into dying situations. There’s really now only time left to get this right. To dive deep into all the things I want to explore. To step past these barriers that i put on myself.
I refuse to let my garden die. Even if i have to till her’s and then come back and work on mines. No more excuses. I will be stepping into a new light. Better. Passions and priorities. Giving myself the wins I deserve.
My abundance of love has to come from me.
I have to be my own fountain. I hope the love of my life finds her peace in me. Goodnight
Played a king to mess with the jester.
I always had an inkling that i was lesser.
Replaceable.
The pains of severing a soul tether.
Maybe i reached my peak and this shell is all that’s left of.
Who i wanted to be in love and in life.
Overwhelmed trying to figure out where i went wrong to deserve this?
Never finding answers leads me to sleepless nights.
Maybe i’ll never be alright again.
I’m really nothing special that’s a promise to my calloused hands 🙂
Reach out to me.
Save me from this destructive state of depression.
i’ve been in this harrowing place of regression.
to be disposable is the worst feeling of all.
Play Maxwell’s “pretty wings” for the message.
where and how did i go this terrible wrong?
Maybe it’s all for the better…
I wanna heal all the places you’re hurting. Plug all the holes in your heart.
Give tenderness and light when the darkness takes over.
show you that you’re worthy to feel beautiful and loved.
to build a ship that never sinks.
To praise the skin you walk in.
there’e no more time for empty talking.
I’m a man of action when it comes to you.
nobody else even interests me.
no body could move me the way you do.
everyday i wake up is a promise to the goddess in you.
i vow to craft us a better life.
this is a love poem to my future wife.
Dream Big 