Growth. Healing. Moving on.

The discovery trail is where I find the lost pieces of myself. It’s pretty much the only place I feel comfortable crying in public. There’s a piece of me missing that I cannot find without the waters of the Sargasso Sea. There’s now a piece of me that I will never regain. But the only place I can discover what will replace these lost pieces are in nature. So that’s where I sit on these no wifi nights.

How much pain does someone have to suffer through alone until their negative karmic balance is paid off?

The world almost stripped David from me.
I throw this closed fist into my pillow, that’s my only release. 
Maybe I wasn’t made for love. 
Maybe this path is a plus. 

This is my only reprieve.  
Maybe you can be the ocean and i can be the breeze.
Maybe i could unpack your mental burden and lift it with ease.
Maybe my prayers are the spiritual fighting that you need.
Maybe if you could build the house then i would be the deed. 
Maybe your happiness is elevated if experienced with me? 

The sun feels o’ so good today. The only food my soul has been fed in quite a while. The sun may be the only this in this universe that truly loves me. The only thing that unselfishly gives to me. Because some people will try to convince you that love is selfish. Some people will only love the love and attention that you give to them and not the person giving the love. The sun will show up for me always. Even during the storm the sun is fighting hard to shine again. To remind me that I’m loved. In a way no one person will ever fight for me. In a way no single person will ever love me.

It’s crazy how drastically a little bit of sunshine can shift my whole mood. I really do owe a lot to her. The way she lays to rest each night is one of the most beautiful things in the world. I give thanks. I haven’t felt warm since idk when. But today something feels a little bit lighter. Maybe this is healing. Not feeling the weight of everything always. Being loved by the sun.

Sometimes I just want to fade into the nothingness that I’ve always been.