It started by mistake that’s the lore. Then it blossomed into something core altering. Life shaping. Atom shaking. An amazing grace. Even pure enough to make the love birds stop to listen to its song and its pace.

And pace matters. Slowing down can help reconnect the feeling to what we know is better. What’s right. What’s true. Slowing her Moon is realigning itself back into my Earth. and my tides pull back to her graces. Dancing to the melody of her speech. Warming from the glow of her light. Light that cuts through all of the darkest of times and emptiest of night skies.

But pace makes it hard sometimes. The brave steps… the one’s that you know and good and true escape you. Standing on the right side of yourself gets challenging. Tongue sharpens tongue until verbal interactions becoming draining. But not all drainage is bad. I eventually found some solace in the fourstar sinks. And the lessons in patience they taught. And the perseverance that it require me to have. Drainage started me onto better. I listened closer. I heard more. The love became sweeter and the pull became more intrinsic than it had ever been. My atoms started to vibrate to her frequency again. Dancing with happiness, as everything filled with life when we grew closer again.

I refuse to believe my atoms got it wrong this time. That they misheard God’s intervention. What they were being pulled into this time was something real. Something worth fighting for. And living for, and dying for. Something worth healing for. My atoms felt peaceful. They knew this time was special. That this time was this time was what leads to everlasting. To the Hollywood bulldooki. They believed again.

I fail her. And compromise her peace at times. But all I can do is forgive myself and work to listen more, and love better. My gut tells me the bravest steps are the hardest ones. And running away from the trauma won’t actually make it easier. Its a Bandaid to what hard work stitches. To what sitting through the pain and working to overcome it teaches. And you know what you deserve is at your fingertips. You see forever in her eyes again. She deserves to be chosen to. And for the love to continue to be unconditional. She’s worth everything. Even what she views as her most damaged parts are still worth their weight in gold. She’s perfection to you. You smile as you write this just imagining what this could be like for you again.

Safe. Challenging yes, but safe.

Good.

Truly.

Spiritual.

And you remember the drain that came is for what needed to be released. For your bit of healing too. Now it’s back to work for her. And picking her up. Cause you’re also a heaven send. And you also make this shit worth it. And you also are good. Your atoms know it this time. So refuse to let the worse parts win this time. Be better. DO better. Pray. listen. Heal. play music. reconnect. and accept that relapses and mistakes happen. That you can’t always do right by yourself. or by her. but it’s not too late to fix it. It doesn’t take away from the effort to move towards better.

But start today. In this piece of writing. In your next breath. To step more into the light. Back into what’s right. And pour that back into her until her atoms merge with yours in unison. No more disservices.