The Earth calls us back.
We all must repay loaned time.
Broken ground, peace found.
Haikuski
Mission Accepted
Mission complete.
But nobody was accepting these side quest visions with me.
Flipping through sheets.
Attendance is empty but staying was free.
Don’t even tempt me with kicking my feet.
I’m in my yard with the demons defeated but yet it’s still more bitter than sweet.
Lost chosen family before getting the green.
We never did see where all our decisions could lead.
Giving we were still tilling our seeds.
And callousing hands
And culling invasive roots grown to trees.
Someone please starting rooting for D.
The F Word
Lend me your heart.
Or do I already occupy most of the space there?
You’re the center of my displaced fears.
It’s Jah, I, then you,
even though you hold the heaviest weight here.
Those troubled Sargasso Seas had started to taste weird.
My fate’s clear.
Jah wash over I, these words are my spiritual Faith’s care.
Fissures and craters are forming within which means my healing is falling behind eerily.
I hold better days near to me.
I gotta find peace of mind.
Even though these shattered pieces of mine are getting harder to find.
Tell me how to define something that’s been missing my whole life.
I’m a product of closed fist striking both the seed and the wife.
I know haunting alcoholic figures.
I thought the only way through was to punch first then try to heal all the demons.
I’m as much my own man as I am a collection of all the sins of the Simmons name that I’m bringing.
I’m Raleigh and Get it Green, but also a shortened temper inspired by this environment that I’m breathing.
I use to toss my pain to the side to use as a weapon when I need it.
But that always left my spirit split.
I remember my brother’s grief of growing up first, and all the nights full of screaming.
That is the curse I’m defeating.
Forgiving and releasing.
I use to put a muzzle on and shut it up because they said a man needn’t speak it.
I was full on emotions alone for all the nights I had to eat ‘em.
so David tell me how such a shattered man could take active steps towards his healing?
And find his life’s meaning?
idk just yet either.
These words are for a future* full of freedoms.
For I&I.
If?
I’m season one A-train. Running at full sprint away from everything I should be.
I’m too fragile to be a man. I grew up in a space that taught me men shouldn’t show emotion. Closed fists and razor sharp tongues were the way problems were solved. Bricks flew through windows. I knew beatings before I knew tears. But ironically it has made me all too sensitive as a young adult. How can I always be one bad remark away from breaking down, but afraid to show emotion. I use to carry nonchalantness as frequent as I carried my school backpack. Now my tears are ‘on-go’ from any setback or step backwards.
As a kid I defined manhood as a closeness to God. All the male role models I had were “men of God”. My grandfather and Bro. Vaughn and Brent. But the older I get the more I see that those so called Men of God only claimed that title to save themselves from troubled pasts. Their closeness to God was sometimes a facade. My closeness to God feels like a facade. How could it not be? I call out and hear no answer. I don’t want to be the kid that only calls on their Heavenly Father when they need something. But yet it seems like I’m stuck in a state of need, so under what other premise can I pray? I try to give thanks in all moments. I try to carry a Godly borrowed strength with me. Because I’m too far from God and too fragile to be a man.
If a man fails to live up to his boyhood definition of manliness does that make him not a man?
Fewture
Whispering to the past like where did it go wrong?
But the glimpses through the rearview glass are like relapses
and the rabbit hole tends to go on.
Wanting to change what was is holding me back like fake crash outs
but I’m hunting for better days like my name’s Gon.
Heaven knows the secrets I hold.
The man that I am because my past and my present are cold.
That’s why I focus on what I can change, my eyes are on the future I’m molding.
David deserves the best in life forget what his demons Told him.
All praises to Jehovah.
I’m not one for New Year’s resolutions , but 2025 will be a year where the past loses its grip on me. My only connection to what was is the guidance it will give in navigating what’s to come. I want more for myself. This is the year I make more for myself. The year I focus on what I have and make space for all I’ve yet to receive.
Troubling Terrain
Reconnecting pathways led to troubling terrain.
This heart and brain are freezing from winters stained with blame.
My soul’s splintered and shamed.
The tug of the give and the take,
and I might even give my spirit away for better days.
The patterns are draining.
Winter rains are my body’s domain.
I’m a habitual day ruiner.
I dug through my dirt.
To find the heart that I tried to pack deeply away.
I built these walls out of clay.
So if you want to find me, a gentle push is the play.
Stowaways
The same pen that I write these poems with,
Is the same pen that knows I smile through my lonely.
Cosigning these sentences that show me.
A dichotomy of setbacks and growing.
The duality of who I have been and where I’m going.
This pen carries more weight than boeing.
This pen’s ink is ever flowing.
It knows my fears, my anger
It saw me at my highs and saved me from my lowly.
This pen could settle a thrown sea.
Or exorcise all the demons exercising their mind controlling.
It holds the key to my future* but also knows all the codes to the safes of past troubles I had stowed away.
It brings my healing to the forefront and ensures my betterment occurs on the day to day.
Shared Sentiment.
I get my message from a different source.
I carry a glistening sword into my spiritual wars.
I need more triumphs from my trials.
Tired of trying …
And I’ve been trying to find David.
Lost the key to his soul too long ago.
The downward spiral is endless.
I’m looking at my success from down below.
Wonder if I can catch it in my hands.
My body truly knows this shattered road.
My heartbeat earthquakes.
My mind has many fractures from these depressed days.
I’m manifesting my own right timing.
By preparing a lighter mindset.
Crafting diamonds outta nothing,
And putting purpose to my footsteps.
All the scret pains my body holds.
My spirit only seems to remember the worst words I was ever called.
And the best words I’ve heard now seem silly to me.
This journals voices my inner thoughts.
My pen flows through this silky soliloquy.
I have a responsibility to smile again.
But where do I find my smile to begin!
I need to loosen insecurities.
Build tenderness in place of explosive tendencies.
Hold real love close and integral.
The love you heal from is essential.
My soul knows forever is only immense if you spend it feeling spent.
I’m better having had met you.
But is that a shared sentiment.
Low percentages
Dangerously close to holding a healed heart.
But that means I can shatter again.
I try but I’m batting a low percentage.
Can no longer escape my mishandled damages.
Combo
I wish I could find the man within me.
Find a purpose or belonging.
I’m nothing at all.
I’m more losses than winnings.
An amalgamation of prayer and sinning.
In hate with who I tend to be.
Dream Big 