.

SO I know I haven’t put anything in out in a good bit
But I’m back
And today I’d like to share a Real story with a little bit of fiction sprinkled in.
About a simple but lasting connection made in the beautiful hills of the Annapurna Circuit

There was an elderly lady who lived alone deep within the vast greeneries of the Himalayan region of Upper Manang Nepal. This lady couldn’t have been more than 5’2” with distinct wrinkles that mapped her life story and a slight hunch in the back, possibly from years of lugging things on her head strap up and down the vast hilly region she called home.

The lady operated a small teashop which was painted sky blue and had three tables outside its doors for guest to sit at.
There was a water buffalo just to the side of the building and behind him laid fields which the lady worked for her crops.
The front of the shop was plastered with a poster of the icon Bob Marley. A symbol of the peace and love she portrayed in her everyday life. This shop was very small, but yet was more than enough to house her and seat her guests.

A simple life. Yet very rewarding if each person she came across could leave with the energy to complete their day’s hike. And in actuality, she found this shop easy enough to operated by herself.
Located Quite far, approximately 4 hours, from the nearest town, her shop was an ideal break spot for adventurous hikers who chose to go to add an extra 4 hours to their day by going up and around the foothills of the Himalayas instead of taking a straight path which got you to the next town that much sooner.

This lady had the warmest smile. And Each day this she woke, she never forget to dress herself with it. A smile which she wove into her every moment. And even when other emotions appeared. Somehow the smile seemed to glisten. Whether through tears, anger, or heartbreak, and No matter how hard a day would become this smile was never fading. Some might even say it was tattooed on.

But despite such a heartwarming smile. She was often greeted by the nastiest of travelers. With no intention to share a positive connection with her. Many of whom would end up taking advantage of the restricted movements of her old age.

These people would stop by her tea shop to order a meal. They’d eat and hold conversations. Take off their boots to air their feet or read a book. Refill their water from a tap on the side of her shop or Maybe even stop just to sit around for a bit it a breather while enjoying tea, biscuits and sweets. Or delicacies like yak cheese or a bottle of coke.

The travelers would act as though they were completely satisfied as they proceeded to finish their meals. And right before leaving would ask for “one more tea” before they would pack up to continue along their day’s hike.
As the lady would move back to her kitchen to  prepare this last kettle of tea, the guest would pack up with the swiftest and quietest of movements to leave without paying.
A motion many of travelers had treated the lady with. As if the message was written along the path or shared in their DNA that this was the shopkeeper to steal from or To take advantage of.

And though this had happened time and time again, the lady would continually open her kitchen to every exhausted traveler that would come cross her path.
People who, while Hiking through the most majestic of places in the world, seemed Too stuck in their ways to realise the damage they were causing this lovely elderly lady.
Leaving a piece of themselves which began to weigh deep not only the lady’s shoulders. But also her pockets.
And as the years progress she considered making each peak hiking season the last her shop would be open.
In hopes To live out the rest of her days stress free. Tending to her fields ands taking care of her buffalo.

But determined to at least impart full bellies and warm smiles for the rest of this season she’d continue to wear her smile. Day after Day. Moment after moment. Nasty encounter after nasty encounter.

Then, one day the universe finally decided to bless her with an opportunity to meet a kindred soul.
A young man and his two hiking companions, one an old friend and the other who became a friend during this hiking period, lugged exhaustedly over the final hill heading to her shop.
Going about their day at their own pace in no rush and happy to be sharing these moments with each other.

The lady prepared to greet these three with her soul filling smile and stomach pleasing dal bhat.
During their time at the shop these boys sat and ate, conversed and relaxed. Then another group of travelers came to eat up the hill the eat a snack at the shop.

Without the need to rush, the boys took their time and ended up stayed longer than the group who who came after, who were probably anxious to make it to the next Town. More than likely missing out in the beauty of the every moment surrounding them. The snow capped mountains, and the fresh air. The local kids with infectious energy or the warm sun kissing your cheeks.

This second group, was about to perform the same act many other groups before had committed. And as the lady stepped into her kitchen, they got up to leave without paying the lady.
Finally at her limits the lady broke down. And maybe a testament to the boys’ kind souls she decided to share what had just happened, what had been happening for years, with them as they sat finishing their tea.

The lady shared and shared and eventually through tear filled eyes offered to make the boys one last kettle of tea before sending them on their way. One boy, moved by her story decided to leave her with a small parting gift, because it was embedded in his cells to act in this manner.
So before leaving the boys went to pay for their meals, but the one boy whose soul had seemingly intertwined with the lady’s decided to leave double the price for his meal. A gesture made in hopes that a little extra could help the lady in any way.

Not realising his intentions, the lady rushed out with change to give the boy. And struggling through a language barrier the boy tried to explain that there was no need for change. That the lady could keep the it because it’s the least he could do.

Finally coming to understand the boys intentions. The lady’s soul brimmed with a new light and she once again began to cry. This gesture was new to her, a kindness that hadn’t been returned to her in years.

Truly akin to the boy the lady rushed into her shop and returned with three chocolates, one for each boy. And though they were reluctant to take them, the lady was very persistent that this wasn’t a debate.

The boys eventually accepting the gift, and moved to part ways with the shop and the truly beautiful soul that operated it.

They had left behind an eternal warmth. And as the lady laid her head that night she felt the burdens of her life fade into the mountains around her, realizing that finally, she had been given back the smile she had shared for years. That she’d finally met someone who could impart her with a blessed exchanged.

The gift of A smile that would become timeless.
And as she moved through her days she eventually came to the fateful day that she’d close her shop for the final time, and live her days out in a way that could give her happiness. Blessed and thankful for the years she could grace all travelers that came cross her shop. No matter the response.

She constantly reflected on the boys and would cherish forever the connection the decided to make with her on that fateful Himalayan morning. Hopeful that the torch that burned within her soul, would now be carried on. A slight hope in humanity restored.

~
As i go through life I’ve began to realise that I just hope i can positively impact, even if in the smallest ways, every life I come into contact with. My legacy .
So as you go about your days, don’t forget to share the simple things and make beautiful connections with people.

Some shareable moments:
⁃ a smile
⁃ a joke
⁃ A story
⁃ Music and dance
⁃ Laughter
⁃ FOOD 🙂

~

Writing’s the best solvent

could never stop

2019 met my darkest of moments

picked up my pen just to help with recovery

writing’s been blocked but i hope the flow’s still buttery.

My heart’s heavy

when the pen and the pad meet my mind steadies

days numbered, like the sand in life’s hour glass leaks

scared that my reaper and time are speaking

I’ve been close to the edge lately

And time was only made to break me

hands down, the loneliest person

hands raised like I’m praising the heavens

and these are my last days

these are the nights we let bars carry us

we stay high on nostalgia, like wendy’s fairy dust

could leave us sicker than flu carriers

mama worried that devil’s stealing time from us

Being in the Himalayas was honestly the best experience of my life. I think the highlight was when we Got to the top of Thorong La Pass (5416m), surpassing my highest point of 3,300 metres, by a long shot. The air was always cool and fresh even when the sun was glaring directly down on you. My hairs always stood on edge, and my mind was always at attention.

I literally was able to free up with every step. The only things I had were my music, camera, journal, Prabin, and Gero. And even though I first found it hard to find the perfect balance between living the moment and capturing it, I think I found that balance well.

What a beautiful Journey …

.

Time Flies

removed the lens that was covering my eyes

I’ve been pretty close to the edge lately

passion gone head and fled me

No one knows my demons

the pad listens

the pad knew me when temper was quick

in past sinnings

The only way to let it go was hasty decisions

words slipping

or a face to let my fist hurt quickly

then shit it hit me

The only reason Anger was always different to me

was because I  didn’t mess with myself

gave up control to live like everyone else

had to unlearn that style

Pops told me every day is a blessing.

A clean sheet to not let the past be your determining factor.

never let a stumble do you permanent damage

and watch who you call friends cause snakes always come with their venom

These are the days we let bars carry us

disobedient to mother’s wishes

drown my pain in the sink with the dishes

wonder how far that’ll get us

I’m sure you know how it goes, the monotonous motion of everyday life. Days starting by waking up 10 minutes before the alarm but refusing to move an inch because every ounce of sleep counts. Dreading any movement because you know that once you’re up there’s no going back to sleep. Although, as so as soon as your alarm sings out you jerk upright.

Dreading to start a day you know will only leave you feeling strained, suffocated, and strange. For me, being unsure what direction, I am heading in can be daunting sometimes. Especially when so much around me seems to yell that me, a pretty decent high school student, was supposed to choose university as my next step. My only option.

I already feel like I’ve wasted the past three years of my life studying subjects I truly see no future for myself in. And until I was brave enough to tell my mom, my biggest supporter, that I didn’t want to immediately go to university after Bermuda College, everything weighed so heavily.

ONE MORE BIOLOGY COURSE I WOULD’VE IMPLODED!

I was so gut-wrenchingly afraid to tell my mom what I want choosing to do with my life. To tell her my plans for the adventure I was hoping to go on. But I had to hold true to the promise I made myself. A promise to not waste any more time doing things that made me feel unsure, unhappy, and feeling like I’m underachieving.

There have been so many moments of doubt for me. When I reflect back to my high school days, I realized that maybe I could’ve received scholarships, and maybe wasted the one or two that I had actually received. That maybe if I just applied myself and went right to school I could’ve had a relatively free ride. That I could’ve had this school ish* over with. That maybe as I heard once or twice in my days at Berkeley, that I was, “such a waste of a good student”.

I never really applied myself in my three years of college either. There wasn’t much progression being made because I was genuinely lacking interest in the subject matter I was learning. I definitely lacked the interest to pursue those subjects any further. I wouldn’t say I was passing by the bare minimum but I never really pushed myself to achieve what I know I could’ve achieved. I never pushed myself to study or to do the best work. And yeah, I was working at 3 different kitchens most nights not coming home until after 1:30am. And maybe the “home” I was coming home to wasn’t very “homely” at all. Still, I could’ve done much more with my time at Bermuda College.

I was at such a lost for passion. Don’t get me wrong, I always knew the value of where I was. Bermuda College was a blessing. The ability to work and save money while in school, allowed me to chase a dream. The small classrooms, the teachers who care, the all-around great staff, and all those who made my experience special. Those who I interacted with on a daily basis definitely helped me get through many days. I most surely loved most of my days at the college so thanks for that.

That was never enough for me though. And how could it be when I wanted to be somewhere else. FREE.

Free of all the pressure. Friends, family, familiar faces always asking “what are you doing with your life or When will you go to university?” Or constantly messing up their faces when you tell them you wash dishes for a job. Never once asking about what makes you tick. Or looking to see the hours you put into bettering yourself. I always feel like such a let-down after interactions with people like that.

I hope to better myself. Mistakes from my past haunting me daily. As I’m constantly reminded by my dad to not get caught up in the trouble I once found myself in. It seems as though no matter how much I try to prove I’ve changed for the better, and show the positivity I feel, it seems the past will determine what your future will look like. But I believe that life is a mystery. That nothing stays the same and that I will positively impact every person I cross is my life.

*Side note, I absolutely hate when people assume just because you seem positive and upbeat and silly they can say whatever they want to you. The ish does weigh down and eventually could be too much*.

Yes, I’ve had many lapses in my character. Some recent ones I hope to grow from. I’m human. I screw up. I know I’m imperfection at is best. But, I am amazing. The best advice I can follow is to try and keep the same character at all times. The same person I am when I’m happy is the same person I am when I’m angry. David Alexander Simmons. A work in progress. My first step to reconnecting with myself.

I will disconnect from societal pressure. In a society so full of toxicity it can be so hard to maintain positivity. It’s so hard to know who you are because everything moves way too fast, everything we praise is negative and everything that groomed us makes us feel we need to conform. Until we become copies of everything negative because we desire so deeply to fit in. To feel accepted and loved. To cower from standing out because we know the ridicule that could potentially come from it. And in the age where any image can be spread globally in the blink of an eye, it’s hard to break that cycle. Well, I write we, but I can truly only speak for myself.

I spend days feeling so alone, undervalued, underappreciated, and trying to escape from becoming someone I would hate to see myself become.

Right now, I feel like the sun is rising on everything I wish to become. Like the world is at my fingertips. Like something draws me to reconnect with myself. I know I will continue to grow. And the key is to not be too hard on myself. To remember that I don’t have all the answers and that’s alright. To remember that life’s a trip. That I don’t have to be like anyone else to be the legend I know I will become. Or rather, the legend I already am.

So, it’s now March 3^rd and the weather is shit so there couldn’t be a better time to pick up my pen, clear my head, and reflect on the blessings and curses of this past year. Thankfully in 2017, I had the amazing chance to travel Asia. I ended up visiting 3 countries, and wouldn’t change those five months for anything.  I must admit since returning home, I’ve been very afraid to face my feelings. I was scared that many of the smaller moments, the type of memories that make an experience unique, would be forgotten. But I was even more terrified that the bigger moments, the memories that replay daily, would leave me feeling suffocated, even though I was back on our tiny piece of paradise. But that’s okay, for now, I will just let the sounds of the 70s, (‘Shalamar This is for the Lover in You’), take me away, clear my mind, and I’ll write to my heart’s pleasure.

Honestly, I had some serious reconnecting to do. I needed to reconnect with nature, reconnect with positive people, but mostly with myself. Throughout my journey, I had one common theme. I honestly just wanted to be free and live each experience to the fullest. I had a newfound philosophy of simply “letting shit go” that I wanted to put into practice and this was the perfect opportunity. I could give 100 percent of myself to every and anything I set out to do, and make the most of my travels.

When I first set out in late June, I was struggling to find happiness in all that was happening around me. Those of you that know me, know how big Raleigh has been in my life. That being said, going on a third expedition ended up being one of the worst choices I could’ve made at the time. I simply wasn’t enjoying it and my mind was torn from the start. Playing a game of tug of war with my heart. Because while I loved Sabah, and the people around me (except Jawonday) I knew that being in the Raleigh International space again just wasn’t right for me.  This meant, trying to not let my mental struggle affect others became such a trying task that it left me feeling drained most days. Maybe, I could’ve waited a couple of years and came back as a ‘Volunteer Manager’ and that would’ve been a better option for me.

To avoid letting my actions reflect my mindset I set myself a goal. During the first week of the expedition I decided, “If you’re going to be unhappy, please try to avoid bringing those around you down. Be the inspiration to drive your peers into believing we can be the creative, innovative, passionate forces for changes in this world. And like I say so often now, show them that we’re in that valuable space of transitioning between being ‘The Future’ and ‘The present’. And that going for what we believe in couldn’t happen at a better time than now.” I don’t know how successful I was at this, or if I was a good leader, but I truly hope anyone whose life I encountered this year is better having met me. I know I’m much better having met so many inspiring people. And owe them many thanks for, in the end, helping me out of my slump. Also, thanks for helping me to have so many amazing experiences. For giving me glimpses of inspiration daily.  And mostly, for helping to guide me to discover passions and hunger that I’ve never felt before. Thanks.

To Raleigh: A Final Goodbye:

This 3^rd expedition was a much bigger challenge for me than it should’ve been. Maybe it was a sign that it’s time for me to find a new avenue to explore my passions and see the world, for now, at least. I did some things on that expedition that I’m not proud of and let myself down in many ways. But I know for a fact it’s a chance to learn from my mistakes instead of running from them. You know Timon puts it best, “you gotta put your past behind ya.”

This reflection is just another lesson for me to grow through. I will be accepting of my flaws, highlight the new values I’ve found in myself, and make sure to not let the past be a determining factor for my fewture*. I won’t be too hard on myself though because I know this is all part of being human.

Raleigh, you were the baby steps… I knew how to crawl before you, and I will use your lessons to help me find my stride. You helped me in so many ways. You showed me the confidence, charisma, strength, and purpose I had tucked deep inside myself. You sparked my passions for, community change, youth involvement and development, global change and environmental protection. And you’ve been the biggest factor in the man I’m becoming every day. Thanks to you and all the lessons from the past five years (because believe me a lot of this didn’t come to me right away) I will chase my dreams and Soar!

I hope to be a mover and shaker of this world’s future. Raleigh, you were the stepping stones, to give me the confidence to become everything I want to see in my lifetime. Whether I’m the voice or just a catalyst for change for a voice I believe in is yet to be determined but I look to inspire daily.

So one last thanks is well overdue.

~Dave

Paradox. Humour. Change. -Dan Millman