Pages and pages of hurt and mistakes.
Is my spirit worth saving?
Because the spiral's the same.
The cliff is as steep as my earlier days. 
Still wishing I was as impressive a light as I was replaced with. 
Grander relfections on subtly changing my childish ways.
My confidence is endangered. 
Sinning and reading Corithian's statements.
I mutter my prayers.
Too covered in shame, 
These demons know me by my name.
No progress to outcompeting the man of dreams, 
My nightmare's are flagrant. 
Daily.

Trading places with the planned man God destined for me.
Any step forward is counted as a victory.
No place to go, but still defying repeated history.
I'll love myself for all the moments Love was missed for me. 

My path aligns to my purpose,
This pen carries heritage.
An amalgamtion of my parents and their stresses passed on to erik.
Older sibling the brunt barer, rod sparer, 
But could never fit his shoes when I'as forced to wear em. 

I've always known second favorite and second best. 
Last option.
Would never get my hopes up unless God's the watching me. 
This pain makes it hard to see anythinh other than the loser within.
That's why I'd rather bring up the rear, I know I never could win.