Heavy hearted. 
When the pen meets the pad i feel the shift in my deck of cards.
i feel myself threading the needle to keep my mind from falling apart.
It’s just me, myself and God.
happiness jogging off if the distance getting further.
i,m falling behind and tumbln hard.
why did i ever believe i deserved her love.
young, dumb and naive, to think i could be somebody’s gardens blossoms. 
I hit the deepest of my rocky bottoms.
no escape this time. 
No relying on a smile or a voice to ease this troubled mind.
and i dont mind sacrificing a piece of my happy 
for a moment of peace is all im asking. 
Hello God will you answer? 
Or anybody tbh for that matter…. 
I knew i was the problem, i knew i was never enough and would never matter.