David I’m sorry for allowing you to get to this level of loneliness and hurt. I should’ve heeded the signs long ago that you were drowning. And all you needed was a little bit of light…. A little bit of reassurance that things would be okay in the period…. But i let you fall and fall and fall. And i told you if you got a tiny bit of what you wanted it would help to make sense of all the pain you were feeling. I had this idea that a bandaid over the wound would still be a step to helping it heal. So next time… because this wound is so deep and empty… i will fill it with self love and appreciation. And i will stitch it closed at the top. Okay if no one else loves or appreciates you so what? There’s a lot of ways I done you wrong. Thats for me and you alone. Thats our journey to walk and our broken heart to heal.

I fucking failed you 2000 times over. All because I wanted to make something work with something that didn’t want to work with me. You treated yourself so terrible because the one person that was supposed to hold you down treated you terrible. You assumed that was the standard you had to live in. But that was stupid. You should have never settled to take on so much and carry it alone. Other people will move on and be happy and you’ll still be here drained because they dumped their luggage in your car and left you with flat tires. I made you give too much to people that gave too little. People that took just how special and rare you are for granted. Took your passion and love for granted. To your presence for granted. I let you refuse to be loved correctly and give 300% of yourself in return.

Well now it’s all on you to fix yourself up. Doesn’t matter what happened. Time to follow your own advice. You were always going to be alone. You’ve known it for a long long time now. And I am sorry for allowing you to fall back into self loathing ways. Why would someone respect you when you showed them they could get away with not doing it! You gave when people didn’t deserve of course they are going to use that. Who wouldn’t… oh well. It’s been clear since Feb 13 just how little you meant. And you still gave despite feeling so irrelevant. You spoiled when it was your turn to receive even the TINIEST bit of effort in return. You started to believe you were worth nothing because you receive nothing. I’m sorry man. Don’t hate me for too much longer.

This next part is going to be much darker before the lighter days come. Lessons learned. I’ll pray for you. I’ll pray for your heart.