toilet bowl blues

I love her unconditionally. 
I want to redefine what i do in service of her,
So i’m relearning me.
Will no longer regurgitate ungerminated seeds,
I will prove my love through my actions and show my adoration through the words that i speak.
I will water her garden, and I will pull all her weeds.

She’s the best parts of my everyday.
I want to stand strong underneath her heavy weight.
11:11, Wishing her pain away.
Trying to wash her soul clean with my intentions to love her in Better ways.

I hope she takes the gamble to build better days with me.
I’m growing myself swiftly.
and i hope she knows that the foundation i’m building for us will never be shifting.
she’s every-good thing.

this is a thank you to God for his divine gifting.
for letting me look into her eyes and touch base with his peace.
idk what’s gotten into me lately,
but i hope the “beauty in the struggle” part
gets left behind quickly.

i want her feet kicked up,
soft, creative girl era to start a s a p.

long night thoughts

I want to Live.
I no longer want to exist. I no longer want to miss out on the beauty in everyday. I want to travel, to love, to learn. I want to write and write and write. I want to be loved. And be loved for me. I want to be seen. I want to create something timeless. I want to be someone’s everything. I want to see all the colours of all the sunsets and all the full moons in all the night skies. I want to be lost in her eyes. And to give to her endlessly. Everyday I want the opportunity to have gained something. And tbh I’m blessed I have someone that cares. I do. I want to live with her. I live for her. I want to grow. I want to elevate her through prayer, hardwork, listening, time and effort. Effort that is healing myself so that I can be her rock. effort that is learning how to serve her. Effort that is becoming the provider I want to be. What a blessing it has been to know her.
I want to live. But I want to live and experience it all with her by my side. Hand in Hand. Shared breath. Kisses and ‘trips’. Following the curve of the outline of her smile until I find my own forming. Knowing love is the happiness I get when she laughs. Fantasizing about how good life will be together for us in 2 years time… Idk. I’m trashed and humbled. Embarrassed and naked. I write this and hope my words reach the places my physical presence could never touch. I pray coverage over us.
She is why art and poetry exist.
She is unmatched.
In face, mind, body, soul.
She is the image of perfection.

Within.

When the Silence becomes deafening
I turn my ears towards you God.
Or maybe rather the you that lies within me.
The tiny voice that I hear and the guidance I seek.
Aligning my stars with their peace.
Trying to line up with the I and I like this was a Rasta thing.

I pray coverage over my temperament. This upcoming month I really was to focus on bettering how I react to things. I want to continue to move with love. I want to continue to challenge myself to grow. I want to be in tune with everything I want to be. I want to receive everything I desire while being able to enjoy it because I believe I deserve it. I want to grow and build with her. I want to bring her past this darkness this world surrounds her with and remind her that her place is amongst the heavens.
She’s Celestial.
She’s superlunary.
The title of my love story is “The Moon and Me”.
I plan to love her through her dark nights. Love her through her cycles. Love her “new moon” as much as I love her “full moon”. Love her crescent as much as I praise her whole. I want to help fill her until her cycle completes and she is back to the image of herself that even she can praise. She shines so bright. I sway graciously in her pull. I bask in the miracle of having got to know her. And that’s the truest way I can describe having gotten to know her. Life’s most simple yet grand pleasure. The biggest part of my everyday. So i sing her praise like a wolf pronounces their admiration of the full moon. And I hope my love fills every crater…every ‘flaw’ (cause she’s perfection to me)… every phase. Hakuna Matata.
I hope I can spirit away her problems. Lead her healing through prayer and effort. Through love and attention and safety. To love the someone as immense as the moon is no small task… But like I said earlier, I want to challenge myself. I hope she finds relief in the ways I love her. And I plan to better myself everyday.
To a better temperament all 2024.
To a girl who is Peace.

She is patiently crafted.
Perfection.
Rare. Real. Royal.
Everything.

Timeless.

You’re the moon that's plastered against my night sky.
You’re the Angel whose Northern Star I follow for guidance.
Your presence is Cosmic and inspirin'.
Let me praise your every inch and help you reach all the dreams that are packed behind your eyelids.
I’m happy that the love I have for you survived all this extra mileage.
Let me love you back to whole and praise your soul my queen/your highness.
I pray your healing to comes from the golden streets where the most high lives.
You’re the best slice of the warmest apple pie and
I love you. I love you. i love you. I’d say i do a million times miss.

~The Fewture.

Seasons Pass

My spirit changes with the seasons. But i’m hoping my soul finds the opposing effects. I hope i can grow warmer as the days get colder and darker. I sit at the spot where i’ve shed the most tears And tonight’s no easier. Everything sits heavy on my fatigued shoulders. Tonight is no easier I swear. But I welcome the zoom of passing cars that disrupts my mind’s travel. I hear the humbling nature of God’s messaging. And the only thing I would change is how much I failed these past however months. Failed to listen. Failed to provide safety. Failed to play my part. 

I wanna change how lethargically I approach my days. I try to hold her up as I drown. I try to smile when I carry no happy. It literally has started to snow as I write this. Maybe there’s purity in the change I need.  I need to be better to receive better. I need to listen more so I can hear. I need to heal so I can give her healing. Unconditionally. I must forgive myself. And change these dark days into passionate ways. The concrete surrounding the foot that I left stuck in my destructive ways is cracking. And a whole garden is growing. And the spring of my change is coming early. And the coldness doesn’t feel as much like home as it once was. I use to think dark days suited me best. But maybe light and love is better fashion. 

I would never trade the lessons this patch of life had taught me. Never plan to lose the messaging. The newfound meaning of love I found is a blessing. And now I can share it. I can be grateful for the piece of heaven she brings to my earth. The largest piece of my peace.

She’s cosmic.

Beautiful.
Covered.
The most perfectly crafted soul. 

ready or not

i’m ready to give my all to you. To provide your peace. To build with you. To love you right. to praise the wonder woman you are. And i hope you know you’re safe here and see the beauty in us.

never forget the young lady that you are. Not only are you divinely favoured and crafted but you are HER. You are MKB. Getting to 2024 was a big success in itself. And everything you’ve grown through is immense. Don’t undercut all you’ve accomplished for things that don’t serve the person you are growing to be. Thats 2023’s dead weight. The things brought into your gravity this year need to be positive, need to serve you, and hold you up in the night sky, and need to be of God. And you know what those things are. Never let the whispers of the devil lead you astray. You’re special which means your target is bigger. You’re soul and mind and talented isn’t meant to be boxed in. You’re just at the footsteps of the cosmic journey you are meant for. And as a celestial the stars are meant for you so keep shooting high. I’m ready to see what’s in store for you. And i’m ready to support you in anyway. Believe in that. You know it’s true.

don’t downplay how strong you are. how unique you are. don’t question that you belong. that’s the devil’s work. discouraging you from the path you’re meant to be on. the greatness that’s at your fingertips, waiting to be grasped. your calling. your callings.

you are the strongest human on the planet. And a daily inspiration. And 2024 you will know this. You will grow to see how strong you really are. Even if just through my love for you alone. I know an angel when I see one. And i’ll be your guardian, your light, your heart , your armour in this crazy world.


and i will always be here to serve and share and grow and learn. your burden is my burden. and your successes will be your success. i just want to make sure i support you the best that i can. And be the man that stands beside God’s best. To be the support to the planet’s most beautiful soul, inside and out.

i wish you could take my eyes for even a second. just one glance and you’d see….. you wouldn’t believe the things i feel about you. How beautiful you are to me. What you mean to me….

Your name will one day be synonomous with the greats.

Sometimes you have to crawl. and the crawling stage is long and frustrating because others around you are walking already, some are off on bikes with the training wheels. And we’ve crawled long enough. So in 2024 let’s learn to walk. To walk into better, into success, into happiness, into healing, into trusting each other to be peace, to be each other’s shelter, to water each other’s gardens. Let’s walk into all of our blessings. Let’s be the best version of our selves. Let’s walk into our renewed passions. And get to april and be proud of who we became. Yah?

you’re one of one.

pure.
whole.
rare.

Bounce Back: A Promise to all versions of Me.

The seasonal change is about to bring a new chapter to me.

My spirit is calming. Summer 2023 splintered my soul. I only say splintered because I caught myself right before it broke. Right before it was too much to handle.

I was living like my phone i’m ngl. If you know me know me. You would know my phone stays below 30%. And 8/10 you look at it… my battery will probably be red.

That was me… on red… but now I welcome the red. There’s warmth peaking through the coldness. The storm is breaking. All the pieces of my soul that were ready to crumble are healing like a scabbing wound. The red’s not that bad. The weather inside me is settling. My sea’s aren’t as full of rage. They’ve stopped churning and now i enjoy the ebbs and flows of my tidal range. The red feels doable. And as the leaves will start to redden around me. I feel as though my reds will soon turn green.

I would always say writing was the bests solvent. In every poem i write or post i share there’s a chance a part of me is healing. There’s a piece of acknowledgement writing gives to my struggle. There’s a piece of pain i release…

That’s why i’ve been active. I’ve needed this avenue of release more than i have since 2013.

The reunion between me and the depressive ways of 18 year old me was obviously not a welcome piece of my summer. But i view the growth i’ve gotten from this period as the most valuable lesson i could’ve learned.

Now i work to only heal not only my present self, but heal the younger me that ran away, that hid, that went unheard. I unpack the rucksack of my damage and release all excess baggage. I find blessings within the curse. I pray goodbyes to some of the most mangled pieces of the me that wander the labyrinth of my troubled mind.

My previous season was red. Red flags… Low batteries… Anger. Everything that screams STOP!

In particular I had fallen into a pattern of unhealthy comparison. And maybe that was the most natural path for my then lethargic existence. Maybe thats what my tired soul was dragging towards based on what was going on in my life. The easier way out was to self destruct.

I was scared at how disposable I was being made to feel. Distraught at how much self worth I was losing over the situations that were beating me down. I was tortured…

Not only by 3am becoming my most productive hours again. But by nightmares and panic attacks and breakdowns that I had either never went through before, or I hadn’t known past repressed memories.

I was also torturing myself.

I would sit and wonder what I was doing wrong. What was wrong with me? Why I even believed I was worth what I was telling myself I deserved.

All the feelings that the scared, lonely, weird, little boy i was growing up use to feel. All the feelings that being at the bottom of the social ladder all my life brought me. All the feelings I guess I never truly overcame.

And when they came back they came with vengeance like Kendrick’s entrance on the Heart Part 2.

One of the main reasons I stay off most Social media is because a part of me always knew that my younger self was still damaged and hiding. And I need the space to being okay with being me. Without what the apps do to my mental space.

Unfortunately, Summer 23 gave me little choice but to sit with the negative feelings of being “ Less than” anyway.

I found my demons would be Whispering all the negative thoughts that I never got to escape.

I always “just kept swimming”. I ran… I hid…

All throughout my 20s. I hid from my insecurities. I hid from God. I hid from my ambition. I hid in hopes my mediocre ways could outshine the me I was trying to forget. But then that damaged me made a 2016 Cleveland Cavs comeback.

This following image is one of the milder notes in my phone from summer.. and as raw as I’ll get with it..

I’ll let the reader fill in the blanks with what they think came next.. but just know it got progressively WAY worse the more i slid down the rabbit hole of self-Hatred.

So now… a month and a half on from that particular note am I doing better?

I’d like to think so. The comparison has died down.

I still feel alone and abandoned. More lonely than maybe I’ve ever felt. But it’s a feeling I’m allowing to drive my new found desire to get closer to a better version of me. Closer to a version that loves David Simmons in his entirety.

A version where none of me has to hide away. None of my previous chapters need to be redacted so that 28 year old me FEELS like I’m okay.

And tbh. Some days I’m not.

So I write. And I stay up as late as my mind tortures me. And when I do find solace, I still toss and turn the night away. And wake up in nightmare induced sweats. And I listlessly drift through everyday life. And my only interactions are WhatsApp messages, Good Morning to bus drivers, and hazy-minded lecture participation.

And the weight on my shoulders feels like something I’m not apt to handle.

But at least the comparison has stopped… Cause that shit will do nothing but eat me alive. And My shit is looking like its on its way to being put back together.

I’ve mentioned Hyakkimaru a good three times this week but hear me out. Something about a young man regaining stolen parts of his body by slaying demons seems fitting for me.. at this moment.. NOW. Today.

Maybe October and “spooky season” will bring a Dororo rewatch.

Once again. At least the comparison has stopped. And i champion myself for that because thats a huge fucking win. And a big step into finding myself again.

As I stood at the precipice of my downfall into the grand canyon of my depression I reached out to grab whatever parapet I could find. Fully expecting nothing to be there and for my fall to be long and harsh and bruising to my already battered essence.

And maybe by no strength of my own.. Be it big ‘G’ God … or my desire to hold strong for the one I love most in this world… I managed to grasp on to the strongest barrier of comfort I’d ever felt in my life.

The most reassuring feeling that I was strong enough to get through took over me when I was at my lowest. Something shifted in my cells. My atoms vibrated at a frequency my earthly mind couldnt comprehend. Even this very moment, writing about it I just don’t understand why God chose to comfort me, one of the fallen ones.

But more or less i felt an angelic hand was placed on my shoulder. And not metaphorically either…. I actually felt/ imagined that there was a hand in my shoulder while standing at black bay. And things in my spirit grew stronger.

And I called upon the me’s that were happy… 2016/17 me… Spring Sushi me.. even NYC trip me.

I called them to the surface and asked for their help to comfort the little, hurting, damaged boy that we were falling into again.

And we work on it. Daily…

bit by bit. Centimeter by centimeter. Statement by statement. Post by post.

Even in my shortcomings and days where I depression nap my afternoon away. There’s still some beauty to be found in this part of my journey.

There’s still no pressure to be healed right now, Today.

And i find gratitude that each day is a clean slate. Raleigh taught me that…

Each day i have a chance to reach past whatever held me down the days before. So i’m reaching.

And with every handful of life I catch in my reach… i reflect on whatever cards the universe grants me in this grand ole’ toxic ass game on Uno we call life.

As i look at the cards in my hand today… i’m excited…My grandmother Corliss always told me “play to win” …

So like Yugi i trust in the heart of the cards. And think about how i’ll start to play them….

Now this my friends. Is where the fun begins….

p.s:


Insomnia just comes with the pain, why cant you embrace it?
The nightmares will continue to plague you, just be okay with the taste of ‘em.
You just gotta remember that you’re still finding a place in this.
Empty out your expectations, and be okay with living in the “break” in the margin of the ‘make or break’ of shit

It gets easier. The winds of turbulence that troubled your summer… will turn into the winds of Grace that sail you into the beautiful blue skies of a healthier you.

Garden part 2

Hi.

You are the garden. Let yourself be poured into for once. Trust the words the one’s that matter most tell you. Allow yourself to be watered. Allow yourself to grow. You deserve much more than you imagine. And like a wilting flower, it’s time to prune negative ways and walk in truth towards the sun that nourishes you. I believe in you. I love you. You’re amazing. Invest in yourself. But again, allow yourself to be the garden, and be invested in. Trust. Live. Love. Fail. Grow. Stand tall.

Your garden’s bloom will be the closest thing to the ‘Garden of Eden”. I truly believe that.

Inspired by Frank Ocean’s “Wither” off the Endless album.

P.s. check in our your strong friends.

Cold Water Pt7

Hi.

So When I originally started this “Cold Waters” thing I really just wanted to see how many different ways I could incorporate this topic KyAsia gave me into my writing. So here goes my last attempt. A short story! . Thanks

~David 2020

Here wee goooo!

The darkness spreads.

The impact of slamming into the water from such a great height has taken every last bit of air from my lungs.

I want to scream but I know that would be a fatal mistake.

I can’t get my limbs to respond.

Please!

Come on.

Don’t fail me now.

If only I could dig deeper.

Through the pain.

Force myself to swim.

Upwards.

Get back to the surface.

But I can’t will myself to do anything.

Not even stay awake.

The light penetrating the surface of the lake starts to fade as I sink deeper and deeper.

The darkness spreads.

I feel it start to swallow me.

*GASP*

I feel the water explode from my chest.

A sharp rush of pain as the oxygen rushes back into my lungs as the water tries to force its exit.

It’s a horrible feeling.

But I must be alive…

Thank The universe I’m alive.

But this pain in my chest is unbearable.

I try to roll over but my body is so heavy I can’t move.

I fade back to sleep as quickly as I woke up.

The next time I awaken it’s to the dim glow of what seems to be a fire flickering in the shrubs just beyond the bed of rocks I lay on.

The relief of being alive is quickly offset by the mind numbing pain I feel.

The shortness of breath I’m experiencing scares me.

And I feel it speed to a rapid pace as I long for the air that no longer seems to be present.

Panic tingles through every atom in my body .

I know at this point I’m Hyperventilating.

I must be gasping loudly because something ruffles behind me.

I try to muster every ounce of strength I can find to turn around to peep the incoming danger.

But once again my body fails to follow my commands.

And before I know it the darkness swallows me again.

I wonder how long I’ve been in and out of these sleep spells.

Has it been hours?

Days?

Where am I?

Is it safe?

This time I awaken there’s a shimmering light coming through the cracks of the rocks hundreds of meters above me.

It must be daytime.

The light is just to illuminate The jagged structure of the limestone rock sorrounding me.

I must be in a cave somewhere.

Crystalized stalactites hang dangerously close to my head.

This pain has subsided some and I manage to drag my body up along the rock wall beside me to sit up.

There’s a bowl of water besides me and some dry rotting banana rinds.

Someone must’ve been feeding me while I laid here recovering.

But who would’ve dragged me into a cave?

When there’s not many humans left in this area?

Last thing I remember.

I was running.

Running so fast and so long I could feel my bare feet tearing to shreds against the roots and branches underfoot.

Running for my life.

I saw the jungle that surrounds my village clear away as I scrambled through.

I could see the edge of the cliff coming nearer.

But I had no time to think .

It was Jump or die.

So there I was. Scrambling for my life.

Jumping.

Falling.

Not looking or even caring if there was water below this ledge.

Because I knew anything would be better than being captured.

Being tortured and experimented on.

We don’t know what they do to you when they take you.

But no one ever comes back.

Since my parents were children the people of my tribe have hidden ourselves away in the Valley of Shadows.

A land perfectly placed in the middle of mountains and forests.

We call it the Valley of Shadows because the days here are short.

The sun always in a rush to leave our section of the world behind as it dashes across the sky to hide itself behind the mountains. Casting shadows cool with mountain breeze in every direction.

There are five streams that bring nutrient rich waters from the mountains. And it’s there on the beds of four of those streams that we plant the fruit seeds we use to scavenge from the forest.

We use the last stream for cleansing our bold dark skin or detangling the burnt orange locs that have traditionally grown on our heads. We also rinse the body of whatever animal our hunters were lucky enough to catch.

We are a strong willed group of humans. Resilient. And we’ve made this land our own.

Never leaving the safety of being excluded from the outside world.

At least we thought we were safe.

When I was 14 the stealings started happening.

Creepers.

Invisible creatures.

We’ve never seen them and they move in silence.

Taking one of us at a time.

Normally about once a year.

So far it has been pretty hard to track when they’ll come though.

They once came at the third full moon.

And didn’t return until the 10th full moon of the next cycle.

When the Creepers first came everything changed quickly .

Our tribe elders put new rules in place.

Always keep a fire lit outside your home at night.

Tend to it every hour if you can.

Never sleep in a home by yourself.

So many moving back in to their parent’s huts after they had moved out.

Never go into the mountains.

Never go into the forest.

The lush greens of the forest I frequented so often as a kid and the jagged crystal mountains lost in the clouds left to fade deep within my memories.

I wonder if I’d still remember the lay of all the paths I made in my younger years.

But I can no longer live like this.

Stricken by fear.

We will never grow past this village.

This was the year I decided I had to leave.

So I waited until the darkest night I could navigate through. A night when the crescent moon was still new and glowing a warm orange.

Just enough to see a few feet in either direction.

I waited Until it was just I and my older brother awake.

We had promised to tend to our fire and the fire of a elder’s whose hut was nearby.

I sat patiently until there was no other stir to tell my brother to get some rest.

I’d wake him when I grew tired so he could take watch.

I know this is selfish.

Leaving the village exposed.

Leaving my brother exposed.

But I’ve grown anxious and must go.

There must be something out there.

Others like us.

People who’ve learned things we’ve yet to learn.

Some way to bring help back to this village.

To escape the creepers.

I will return someday.

I know I will.

My brother gets up from the spot he was sitting at around the fire we’ve made outside the hut we share. I wait a couple seconds then peek inside to see him curled into a ball on the bed of leaves he’s made. I go back towards the fire and pretend to tend to it. I’m Sure to make just the faintest sounds of cracking sticks and blowing into the fire as to not raise suspicion of my plan and to ease him into sleep.

I sit.

Until I’m sure he’s knocked out.

I check around to make sure no other villagers are awake or tending to their own fires.

When I’m sure there’s no one else awake I make my move.

I move swiftly but quitely.

I start by making misleading foot steps going into the mountains range.

Then slowly and quietly walk my way to the forest.

Gently removing any sign of me changing direction.

Brushing footprints and planting newly fallen leaves over branches I had stepped on and broken.

I plan for no-one to be able to follow me.

And hopefully this throws them off my path just long enough that I can escape.

As I reach the fence of spiked bamboo that separates our village from the forest I take one last look back.

One part of me feeling regret that I must leave this way.

Another scared to even go.

But I know I must.

I check one last time to ensure no one has awaken to relieve themselves or tend to their fires and I slip into the dangers of the forest.

Even as foolish kids we never entered the forest at night.

But I have no choice.

The mountains too vast and too unknown to attempt to climb alone.

As soon as I’m no longer in viewing distance of my village I quicken my pace from a slow quiet walk to a slight jog. And I spent most of my time running through the forest I realize how stupid it was to leave on a night like this. The moon too dim to light anything through the canopy of tree so I find myself constantly bumping my body.

I’ve made it pretty far only haunted by the cooing of night birds and the regrets of leaving home.

And more luckily than not, so far I’ve been largely unbothered by the larger dangers. The great apes and large cats that don’t take lightly to humans invading their territories. Especially at night.

I must’ve ran a good bit now because I feel ragged, my body battered, and know I need some rest.

I found a clearing with just enough space to tuck my body into the grass damp with dew.

I settle down and stare up into the night sky very faintly lit by the moon’s glistening rays from above.

While I lay I think of what comes next.

If I do make it to another land. Will I be able to convince anyone to come help my village fight something unseen?

Will anyone even believe me when I tell them an invisible threat is stealing people from my village?

Are there even any other humans left?

Will I make it out of this forest alive?

My frantic thoughts tire me. But there’s no way I can rest like this.

I close my eyes and call to my ancestors.

‘Hello wise ones. Please Ease my troubled mind and guide me into sleep.’

At this point I’m Too exhausted to think of how exposed I’m leaving myself. But that’s fine. Because I feel myself starting to fade into sleep.

The darkness spreads.

I must not have been asleep for long when I’m jolted awake.

I feel a tight grip around my neck.

Animalistic instincts kicking in as I notice myself being dragged along the forest floor.

I can’t see what has a grip on me.

NO.

Is it already time for the creepers to return.

It it already time for another stealing.

I made it too easy for them.

Leaving myself exposed like this.

But I’d rather me than anyone else from the village.

As I’m being dragged carelessly along the forest floor. Everything is a blur. My head is being slammed into trunks and body scraped along roots.

I claw and kick and scratch at what seem to be thin air.

There has to be something I can do.

I start kicking my feet against every tree I pass.

I try wrapping my legs around a tree the I see come into the vision of my right eye. I keep kicking and clawing until I manage to slow down the speed I’m being dragged at.

I feel the grip on my neck loosen ever so slightly.

And as I continue to grasp at nothing I feel my nail graze something that seem not to be there.

I punch and claw at that area until I felt my fist concave into something soft and hear a grunt .

I instantly felt the pressure Release from my neck and in a daze I hop up.

In A frenzy I can only explain as pure fear I started to run.

Not Knowing which direction I was headed.

I only have one chance here.

These creatures might not be seen.

But they can’t possibly know this terrain like I do.

As I run I dig deep through my memory for any chance to escape.

Searching my mind.

THE MOTHER TREE!

Just south of the mother tree is a clearing. A large section of land that none from the village ever dared to attempt to cross.

I use my instincts to guide me.

Let the spirits of my ancestors flow through me as I call for their help.

“Please wise ones, guide me into the path of escape”.

I feel their energy intertwine with mine. I start to see the land around me illuminate.

It’s like I’m seeing the forest in broad daylight and navigating through the foliage is made easy.

We know this land.

I know my ancestors are here with me.

‘Guide me.’ I call out.

Turn Left here!

I hear the voice in my head whisper.

Around this grand cedar tree.

I continue on like this Until finally the canopy clears and the mother tree comes into view.

I can’t stop to admire her beauty tonight.

The tree which this whole forest grew from.

I must continue until I reach what’s tucked behind it.

Run until I can’t run anymore.

I hurdle tree trunks and find that my fatigue body is making too many critical mistakes. Stumbling over roots and barely missing branches hanging at head height. I can’t afford to be slowed down like this.

As I reach the clearing of the forest I can’t feel anything in my body.

But somehow the numbness doesn’t slow me.

I don’t hesitate as I head across the clearing. Not caring what awaits me.

Until eventually the sky starts to lighten as the sun must be rising somewhere deep beyond where we live.

I run until I see the clearing start to disappear the distance.

But nothing can stop me, I refuse to be captured.

So I run until there’s nothing left to do but jump.

And fall.

When I realize there’s water below me I know I’ve met my ends.

I cannot overcome this.

I’ve only spent my life splashing in the streams that flow from the mountains.

Never have I even seen water deep enough to submerge myself in.

“Umph!”

I slam into the water with force that I can only imagine has shattered every bone in my body.

And I start to sink.

Deep into the abyss that lies below.

I awaken in a sweat.

I must’ve passed out again.

I look down and see a woven bamboo leave bandage on my chest.

And a tree branch tied tied to my leg with some vines.

I try to move but this time my body has no fight in it.

“Easy child”

I hear a voice speak.

I feel a chill down my spine as I feel a presence more intimidating than I’ve ever felt before looking at me.

I look around in terror to see the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen weaving a new bandage similar to the one that’s already on my chest.

She looks human.

But almost ethereal.

Goddess like.

There was a glow surrounding her that was incomprehensible.

A pressure emanating from her that made me want to shrink into a shell of myself.

Her dark skin a divine blessing.

“Are you human?”

I manage to ask.

My voice barely a squeal.

Broken.

“My child I am human like you.

But I am also soo much more. I could tell you more but you should get some more rest. Here drink this,” the goddess says as she pours me liquid freshly boiling on the orange and grey embers not too far from where I lay. As she hands me the bamboo bowl contain the liquid I want to thank her but I can’t even muster up another squeal. So I lay in silence while I wait for it to cool.

“So tell me child how did you get here?” she asks.

“I fell into the lake” I say in between my first sips of the liquid she gave me. Immediately feeling the warmth spread through my body. Easing every ache and pain. Dulling the pulsing sensation in my head.

“Fell into the lake? The only place to fall is from the cliffs before the forest.”

“Sorry Auntie I don’t know where I was before I fell. I just remember falling” I lie. Unsure if I can even trust this lady even though she’s probably the one who has kept me alive.

“Well for someone that fell from that height, you sure are lucky to have survived. You’ve been injured horribly and still need to rest some. You should take the time you need to recover. You’ll be fine here for a while. At least Until you can move. But you shouldn’t stay for long. Its not safe For your kind here.”

“For my Kind?” I asked confused at what she was trying to say.

“What are you? What is this place?” I feel the pitch of my voice rise as I start to grow anxious.

“Quiet young one. This is my home. My Child you are deep beneath the world you know. If you truly fell into the lake. You are lucky to have made it this far unharmed. You managed to sink deep enough to reach into the gateway to the base of our civilization. Hidden deep from the outside world. Away from you humans and your destructive tendencies”

“But where did you bring me?” I asked intrigued by everything this lady was saying to me.

“My child. This is the home my kind have made. There are only three entrances to this land of ours. And you sank right into the most dangerous one. Any longer in that lake you would’ve surely drowned. As gatekeeper its my job to make sure nothing unwarranted enters this cavernous world. And luckily for you, I found you first. You were hurt so I decided to lend a helping hand. Thankfully, I was able to save you from the verge of death.

I was unsure of if I should even help you but I decided it’d be better to help you now, and deal with the potential consequences later.

So I swam out to you.

I pulled you.

Deep.

Deeper than your body couldv’ve handle without an arc of protection.

An oxygen bubble I created to avert the building pressure of the lake, and to preserve your breathing.

I pulled you.

Deep into the cold harsh waters.

And into this world.

Then I hid you where no one would find you. My home

And I started to heal you.

But be weary child this favour doesn’t come for free.

There will come a time when I ask you to make a very difficult choice .

But worry not.

Rest easy for now.”

I pull myself up. Struggling to fully comprehend all I’ve just heard.

What is this place?

I drag my back along the rocks beside me and lean against them until I’m sitting upright.

“So when I’m healthy how do I leave this world?” I speak to no one as it seems the lady has disappeared.

“When the time is right I will provide a path for you.” She answers. Her voice booming through the cave. But I can’t pinpoint where she has moved to.

“Why are you doing this for me?”

“My child I would’ve done this for anyone.

I’ve grown quite tired in my old age. Tired of the violence. The end of my time in this body is nearing and I want to live my last days in peace.

Maybe saving you is some sort of atonement for the lifetime of sin I’ve lived.

Child pay attention.

I’ll tell you a little bit about my kind.

Us and you humans share a very complex history. We share a very recent ancestor. Less than 10,000 years old.

But when your earliest ancestoes took that evolutionary step to become the human you are now.

We took one more.

At first we were just an extreme mutation of the human genome.

Blessed so heavily by the heavens.

We operate at a higher level than you.

You see child my physical body resembles yours but I can do so much more,

I can maniuplate the very matter you see around you .

We feed off the energy that flows through the earth.”

She says as she turns the stalagmites into dust and turns the dust into a small tree…

“We once lived along side the earliest of your kind.

Co-existed.

As we learned and broke limits of what we ourselves could do.

We helped your ancestors advance their civilizations.

Giving them ways to harvest the earths natural resources. Protecting them so they could walk the dangers of the early world carefree.

We helped them grow from their primitive ways.

But never could we have foreseen how rampant your species would grow.

How greedy and destructive you would be.

How you’d continue to strip the planet down until she was suffocating.

How you’d eventually turn on us.

When you developed your weapons you’d force us to help you continue to kill this planet.

If we resisted you’d kill us and find another one of our kind to help you.

Until there weren’t any if us left willing to help. Then the massacres of my kind started.

You tested on us.

To see if you could harvest and manipulate the mutation in our genes to your benefits.

To see if you could clone us.

Eventually as you spread across the planet and started fighting each other, you turned our young into weapons of war.

Putting us on the front line.

Asking us to destroy your enemies.

Not caring if we died along the way

So the few of us that survived those centuries of torture retreated,

Deep within the harsh underworld where no one would look to find us.

Hidden away.

The last of my kind.

All down here in this one cave system.

Forgotten by history.

Speaking of us as goddess and gods In folktales.

We’re long forgotten.

But now every so often one of my kind slips out into your world.

Sewing the seeds of your kind’s destruction.

Sparking rumours in scales large enough to cause wars.

Creating division.

Telling some they were better than others because we knew your greed would lead you to believe us.

Turning on each other.

Now Sometimes we take your kind and bring you here to take your lifeforce from you.

It’s how we feed now that the earth is dying.

Because as the earth dies we grow weaker. Our lifespans grow shorter.

So we harvest your kind.

Taking the lifeforce of someone your age could easily give one of my kind 10 years of life energy.

We use you test the next step in our manipulation of energy.

Testing if we can manipulate your very souls

We want to control you.

So we steal your kind.

Wiping whole villages clean.

As we try to use you as surrogate mothers for our kind.

But you too often your kind fails to survive the term. Only twice have managed to delivery fully healthy babies of my kind. Both times the mother’s died immediately after.

Two of my kind have been born in the last 300 years.

Can you imagine how terrifying that is.

Sitting here in desperation. Wanting to survive.

Watching your kind spread by the billion.

While we decline to less than 50 total.

Watching The world we knew in our youth die.

We know we may never again get to see your world and walk amongst you freely.

So few of us survived the cruel world your kind created.

Without the ability to sustain ourselves on the natural flow of the earth.

At one point we even resorted to eating each other.

The darkest years we thankfully overcame.

Stealing the life of our brothers and sisters

So that we some continue to live.

Until one of us realized your kind does just as well to keep us alive as each other.

But you see, I’ve grown weary in my old age.

I’ve lived in these caves for almost 1,200 years.

And now I realize we are just like you.

Becoming the very creatures we despise.

Destructive.

But I wish for peace.

I wish to walk amongst you, our closest relatives.

And be Free.

But we know there’s no working this out.

For us or for You.

The pain you’ve caused us. The pain we now cause you.

For us to coexist would mean your kind knowingly sacrificing your greed to help us.

So we can thrive.

Helping us find ways to reproduce.

Maybe with your medicines and our abilities we can successfully deliver more of my kind. But that’s a silly dream to have. Quite childish.

And that wont be.

Could both our species forward ourselves?

Togther?

I think not.

But I’m done living like this.

I’m done with the killing and torturing.

I will live the rest of my days without fear.

Leaving behind this life and walking amongst you as if I’m one of your own.

Leaving behind this path of destruction.

Helping you is my first good deed in a new life I hope to live.

In correcting all my past mistakes.”

“Why tell me this?” I finally manage to squeeze in. Struggling to keep on with the pace of which she is speaking to me.

“My favour I must ask of you child is that when I’ve fully healed you, you take me with you into your world.

Help me establish myself.

Teach me customs and practices so I don’t stand out.”

“You will always stand out. You have a very strong presence my sister” a thunderous voice booms through the cave as a shadow appears flickering through the shade of the fire.

A dark handsome male who has a glow similar to the lady’s walks into view. Ducking low as to not hit his head. Standing taller than any man I’d ever seen before.

Terror once again fills my being as I see him dragging something behind him.

Mya!!

There’s no mistaking the unique way her low cut sides fade into the locs that sit atop her head. She’s the only one in the village brave enough to break free from the traditional way we wear our hair.

My closest childhood friend.

The daughter of the village leader.

Why her?

“So you must’ve been the one that escaped my grasp. But funny you led yourself right here to me. Thank you big sister for keeping our young guest safe while I went to retrieve another” the man says as he kisses one of the woman’s cheeks. Mya looking limp and lifeless as the man dragged her by her locs not caring to be gentle with how he handles her.

“It is about time you returned home brother. You’ve been gone three days. Two fine specimens you’ve brought me this year. One’s almost shattered to pieces but I presume the other one is in optimal condition no? Go retrieve Alex and take that girl to the lab so we can prepare her for the first experiment.” The lady commands the man she calls brother and I watch warm expression the lady once had towards me turns cold.

“No! Not Mya. Please. I beg. Whatever you want to do you can do to me take me!” I Plead with the lady and then to her brother.

“Russell go now!” the lady basically yells at the man she calls brother.

And he walks away her expression softens once more. I can’t comprehend what’s happening and a nauseous feeling spreads to my core. I want to get up and chase after Mya. To save her somehow. But my body doesn’t even budge.

“My child I’m sorry. But now comes that tough decision I said you’d have to make. I was hoping you’d be well enough to walk before Russell returned. But you haven’t gotten anywhere near that stage now. We must go. Now! Forget your friend there’s nothing you can do to save her that she can’t do for herself at this point. But If you want to survive, now is the time for both of us to escape” the lady says as she vanishes the fire with the wave of her hand and makes it reappear at her fingertips.

I want to save Mya. But how can I in this state?

“I… I … I… ” I feel the tears start to stream down my face as I can’t find the way to express anything I feel. I don’t even know what to do as I can barely move by myself.

“I… I… I…” I keep stuttering as my words get caught between my sobs.

“Whether you like it or not child we must go now!”

” But I….” Once again nothing comes after I.

As the defeat spreads through my body I close my eyes and somehow wish I could will this nightmare away. But when I open them again the lady is still right in front of me. preparing to pick me up to make our escape…..

TBC

OR NOT .