6 am no sleep journaling
Water me
Her waters are the oceans that I drown in.
Her waters are the pool of my baptism, saving me.
Her waters are turbulent raging waters.
Her waters are also Tilicho lake, pure serenity.
Her water drips the drop that disturb the pool of my inner peace.
One ripple that set off a lifetime of waves.
Crest and troughs defined the rollercoaster of love that she had given me.
But now I’m ready for the scary part of the drop where I start falling fast, steep and deep.
Knowing her waters will always break my fall i can only hope that they wouldn’t shatter me.
Her waters oxygenate my blood… flooding me with energy.
Her waters are the shower that cleanses my soul of depression.
Her waters carry the little glass bottle that is overflowing with God’s message.
The beauty in which her water falls is a blessing.
This must be the water the angels in Heaven sip to get themselves some refreshment.
Her water is an ice cold sip on a Bermuda summer scaffolding day.
Her water is the peace that I started to find at Black Bay.
like an old, seasoned sailor… the journey across her waters is defining me.
and my waters dance to the pull of her moon, happily caught up in her gravity.
Love Day
To the rarest one .
My source…
The fountain of my happy,
my water, my passion.
To someone truly uncommon in all the best ways.
A beauty that is unmatched.
And a talent that could never be compressed in a trap cage.
To my favorite star, shining bright in a universe of darkness.
I wanna be the biggest piece of peace that fills the caverns where your heart is.
I love you regardless.
Playing my role, and letting God guide my part in this.
You and I go together like an old locket with two parts to it.
To the rarest one.
My source…
The eye in my life’s storm.
The shore where I’m building my foundation.
You’re the reason that I’m learning to be patient.
Your smile’s my motivation.
To someone uncommon in all the best ways.
I compress waves of emotion just writing what you mean to me.
You’re the only queen to me ,
You got me on bended knee.
The only subject and thesis of my poetry.
To my favorite star, shining bright in a universe of darkness.
You’re the smartest.
What an honour it would be to spend a lifetime under the sky that your stars lit.
And to help you make a play out of the shitty hand of cards that,
Life dealt you to stop your progress.
I said I love you regardless.
Let’s get this right from now on miss.
Hey hey
Running from my potential.
Reaching for the stencil,
find myself painting the same old picture.
Never learn the lesson from hearing or listening.
I have to live it.
Too caught up in fear
and suffocating in my immediate surroundings which means i can’t see past what is near.
Some days i cant even pic out my hair,
from low energy.
Survival mode like everyday,
No kingdom rush though, i can wait for my appointment at heavens gate.
i want to experience her better days.
I wanna reclaim the passion that’s slipping past my fingers when my mental state’s
declining… spent to many days trying to catch myself with my feet up reclining.
i gotta mold the future i wanna see this time and,
and bring the loml with me.
i’m trying to have a different story to tell this time next year you see.
Seasons Pass
My spirit changes with the seasons. But i’m hoping my soul finds the opposing effects. I hope i can grow warmer as the days get colder and darker. I sit at the spot where i’ve shed the most tears And tonight’s no easier. Everything sits heavy on my fatigued shoulders. Tonight is no easier I swear. But I welcome the zoom of passing cars that disrupts my mind’s travel. I hear the humbling nature of God’s messaging. And the only thing I would change is how much I failed these past however months. Failed to listen. Failed to provide safety. Failed to play my part.
I wanna change how lethargically I approach my days. I try to hold her up as I drown. I try to smile when I carry no happy. It literally has started to snow as I write this. Maybe there’s purity in the change I need. I need to be better to receive better. I need to listen more so I can hear. I need to heal so I can give her healing. Unconditionally. I must forgive myself. And change these dark days into passionate ways. The concrete surrounding the foot that I left stuck in my destructive ways is cracking. And a whole garden is growing. And the spring of my change is coming early. And the coldness doesn’t feel as much like home as it once was. I use to think dark days suited me best. But maybe light and love is better fashion.
I would never trade the lessons this patch of life had taught me. Never plan to lose the messaging. The newfound meaning of love I found is a blessing. And now I can share it. I can be grateful for the piece of heaven she brings to my earth. The largest piece of my peace.
She’s cosmic.
Beautiful.
Covered.
The most perfectly crafted soul.
ready or not
i’m ready to give my all to you. To provide your peace. To build with you. To love you right. to praise the wonder woman you are. And i hope you know you’re safe here and see the beauty in us.
never forget the young lady that you are. Not only are you divinely favoured and crafted but you are HER. You are MKB. Getting to 2024 was a big success in itself. And everything you’ve grown through is immense. Don’t undercut all you’ve accomplished for things that don’t serve the person you are growing to be. Thats 2023’s dead weight. The things brought into your gravity this year need to be positive, need to serve you, and hold you up in the night sky, and need to be of God. And you know what those things are. Never let the whispers of the devil lead you astray. You’re special which means your target is bigger. You’re soul and mind and talented isn’t meant to be boxed in. You’re just at the footsteps of the cosmic journey you are meant for. And as a celestial the stars are meant for you so keep shooting high. I’m ready to see what’s in store for you. And i’m ready to support you in anyway. Believe in that. You know it’s true.
don’t downplay how strong you are. how unique you are. don’t question that you belong. that’s the devil’s work. discouraging you from the path you’re meant to be on. the greatness that’s at your fingertips, waiting to be grasped. your calling. your callings.
you are the strongest human on the planet. And a daily inspiration. And 2024 you will know this. You will grow to see how strong you really are. Even if just through my love for you alone. I know an angel when I see one. And i’ll be your guardian, your light, your heart , your armour in this crazy world.
and i will always be here to serve and share and grow and learn. your burden is my burden. and your successes will be your success. i just want to make sure i support you the best that i can. And be the man that stands beside God’s best. To be the support to the planet’s most beautiful soul, inside and out.
i wish you could take my eyes for even a second. just one glance and you’d see….. you wouldn’t believe the things i feel about you. How beautiful you are to me. What you mean to me….
Your name will one day be synonomous with the greats.
Sometimes you have to crawl. and the crawling stage is long and frustrating because others around you are walking already, some are off on bikes with the training wheels. And we’ve crawled long enough. So in 2024 let’s learn to walk. To walk into better, into success, into happiness, into healing, into trusting each other to be peace, to be each other’s shelter, to water each other’s gardens. Let’s walk into all of our blessings. Let’s be the best version of our selves. Let’s walk into our renewed passions. And get to april and be proud of who we became. Yah?
you’re one of one.
pure.
whole.
rare.
Unconditional Love
There’s no possible I could put into words the gravity that you hold over my life. And the man I’ve become through having an opportunity to experience love.
This past year I learned the definition of unconditional love. And as much pain as it brought me I’m actually extremely proud of the level of love I was able to bring into the world.
I was challenged to my core. I was stripped bare. I was humbled. I was shown every insecurity I was yet to overcome. I had to look my most damaged self in his eyes and vow to be better. And actually step into the better i was promising myself. No one was looking to save me but me. But that didn’t have to mean that i couldn’t try my best to save the people I loved most. To be a breath of life while i was suffocating. To literally lay myself down like Jack did for Rose. Drowning to keep them afloat.
I learned what Jordan Ward’s Cherimoya meant. I learned why Frank Ocean sings. I learned why ‘Roller Coasters’ by Tank and the Bangas could bring me to tears.
I learned God again. Maybe for the first time since I was 12. I never had given up on believing I just never knew he loved me this much. And maybe this is the humbling lesson that I had to learn to be able to reconnect with all my values. To really make another leap in my character development.
I learned that broken was the man. But I learned that healing wasn’t unattainable. I learned I was willing to work through whatever. Love slow when I wanted to speed up. Play the supporting cast. Play protector. Love when there was no love to be returned.
And yeah, it’s been dark, cold, and lonely in my life.
I’m ready to fall. Fall into every good thing I know love can offer. Ready to fall into healing. Ready to fall into whatever comes next in God’s planning. I know the intelligent design. And I believe my heart was meant to tear. And i’ll work my own repairs, while working hers too. Love myself and love another’s heart. Even if it gets hard and heavy for me.
Well I never gave up on life and love. I want to be able to love in a way that God loves. I want to be able to give in the way he does. To lead under his light. To spread his light. I’m trashed. I’m low. I’m learning. To trust in his lead over union. I learned in scaffolding, that yes it may be double work, but if the foundation’s off strip down and rebuild instead of standing atop something unstable. And I’m glad I got to experience rock bottom again. What comes back from this will be the strongest foundation of love.
Please Lord I pray that you keep working on me. I also pray you keep answering my prayers through her. She’s my everything and I’m not afraid to admit it. I admit it before you, before the world, through my humbling heart.
I’m
Dream Big 