Lend me your heart.
Or do I already occupy most of the space there?
You’re the center of my displaced fears.
It’s Jah, I, then you,
even though you hold the heaviest weight here.
Those troubled Sargasso Seas had started to taste weird.
My fate’s clear.
Jah wash over I, these words are my spiritual Faith’s care.
Fissures and craters are forming within which means my healing is falling behind eerily.
I hold better days near to me.
I gotta find peace of mind.
Even though these shattered pieces of mine are getting harder to find.
Tell me how to define something that’s been missing my whole life.
I’m a product of closed fist striking both the seed and the wife.
I know haunting alcoholic figures.
I thought the only way through was to punch first then try to heal all the demons.
I’m as much my own man as I am a collection of all the sins of the Simmons name that I’m bringing.
I’m Raleigh and Get it Green, but also a shortened temper inspired by this environment that I’m breathing.
I use to toss my pain to the side to use as a weapon when I need it.
But that always left my spirit split.
I remember my brother’s grief of growing up first, and all the nights full of screaming.
That is the curse I’m defeating.
Forgiving and releasing.
I use to put a muzzle on and shut it up because they said a man needn’t speak it.
I was full on emotions alone for all the nights I had to eat ‘em.
so David tell me how such a shattered man could take active steps towards his healing?
And find his life’s meaning?
idk just yet either.
These words are for a future* full of freedoms.
For I&I.
Imy
I miss black bay on days like this.
I miss the cleansing properties its water held.
My soul was saved the day God sent guardian angels to me.
A reminder to cater to myself.
Nights like these i feel the undercurrent of my depressions. Tugging me from below the calm waters i carry on my exterior. Threatening to make a mess of my flesh. Whispering that i should give up in myself and let the negativity swallow me whole. Drown me. Fill my lungs with rageful breaths. Gasping for a version of me that becomes more fleeting with each moment.
The light dimming as i’m entering my life’s Bathypelagic zone. My fingers dancing across the keyboard to play tether to my drifting mind .
The rain falls as i walk home from work. Maybe this is all apart of one big segment of spiritual cleansing that i needed.
A reminder to call on God. To remember that harboring all these terrible tendencies and harmful habits could no longer serve me.
Not if I’m to withstand these rough seas I’m facing.
These turbulent waters shredded the dinghy that houses my psyche to pieces. And I’ve had to put in the long arduous hours building myself my own Bermuda sloop.
Nights like this feel like the end of me . The waves of emotions knock me. Capsize me. Turn my world upside down like i was Jack Sparrow at the World’s End.
I have to be my own hope. The sad truth is my damage is my responsibility to overcome. No one’s going to show up to throw me a life raft. Nobody is going to guard my life from the call of these hurricanes and monsoons. Not one person in this world will be the lighthouse that gives me hope and guides me towards those calmer seas.
I’m alone
At least my prayers attach themselves to the night sky. And God answers by painting them as the constellations that direct me across this never ending night.
Guide yourself David.
When you find the eye of the storm and calmer waters sit still and listen.
The sound of water playing tug-of-war with the shore always did serve as a remedy. The back end of the storm can sometimes do more damage than the beginning. The hull of my sloop is still incomplete. The healing comes much slower than the damage occurs. And i can’t sit and wait until i think its all better… I have to craft better.
I need to heal despite the the winds still battering at my emptied frame.
I need to tap into my inner Cutty Flam and build a ship that will withstand all. I need to treat myself with the same care and forgiveness i give to the person i love.
Before black bay there was Tilicho lake. And that’s what i told a friend was my favorite body of water.
Purity defined. MKB.
I’ve never seen anything more pristine. And that’s what i want my waters to look like moving forward in life.
And my peace will guide her to outer-space.
My work in her garden will send her words to the NY times.
I Will be the love that defines her soul’s code.
My healing will heal her and put her in that soft girl era.
I write to release📬. And i release to be the best servant to her and to God.
Play sorry Not sorry by Tyler…
Water me
Her waters are the oceans that I drown in.
Her waters are the pool of my baptism, saving me.
Her waters are turbulent raging waters.
Her waters are also Tilicho lake, pure serenity.
Her water drips the drop that disturb the pool of my inner peace.
One ripple that set off a lifetime of waves.
Crest and troughs defined the rollercoaster of love that she had given me.
But now I’m ready for the scary part of the drop where I start falling fast, steep and deep.
Knowing her waters will always break my fall i can only hope that they wouldn’t shatter me.
Her waters oxygenate my blood… flooding me with energy.
Her waters are the shower that cleanses my soul of depression.
Her waters carry the little glass bottle that is overflowing with God’s message.
The beauty in which her water falls is a blessing.
This must be the water the angels in Heaven sip to get themselves some refreshment.
Her water is an ice cold sip on a Bermuda summer scaffolding day.
Her water is the peace that I started to find at Black Bay.
like an old, seasoned sailor… the journey across her waters is defining me.
and my waters dance to the pull of her moon, happily caught up in her gravity.
Love Day
To the rarest one .
My source…
The fountain of my happy,
my water, my passion.
To someone truly uncommon in all the best ways.
A beauty that is unmatched.
And a talent that could never be compressed in a trap cage.
To my favorite star, shining bright in a universe of darkness.
I wanna be the biggest piece of peace that fills the caverns where your heart is.
I love you regardless.
Playing my role, and letting God guide my part in this.
You and I go together like an old locket with two parts to it.
To the rarest one.
My source…
The eye in my life’s storm.
The shore where I’m building my foundation.
You’re the reason that I’m learning to be patient.
Your smile’s my motivation.
To someone uncommon in all the best ways.
I compress waves of emotion just writing what you mean to me.
You’re the only queen to me ,
You got me on bended knee.
The only subject and thesis of my poetry.
To my favorite star, shining bright in a universe of darkness.
You’re the smartest.
What an honour it would be to spend a lifetime under the sky that your stars lit.
And to help you make a play out of the shitty hand of cards that,
Life dealt you to stop your progress.
I said I love you regardless.
Let’s get this right from now on miss.
Unconditional Love
There’s no possible I could put into words the gravity that you hold over my life. And the man I’ve become through having an opportunity to experience love.
This past year I learned the definition of unconditional love. And as much pain as it brought me I’m actually extremely proud of the level of love I was able to bring into the world.
I was challenged to my core. I was stripped bare. I was humbled. I was shown every insecurity I was yet to overcome. I had to look my most damaged self in his eyes and vow to be better. And actually step into the better i was promising myself. No one was looking to save me but me. But that didn’t have to mean that i couldn’t try my best to save the people I loved most. To be a breath of life while i was suffocating. To literally lay myself down like Jack did for Rose. Drowning to keep them afloat.
I learned what Jordan Ward’s Cherimoya meant. I learned why Frank Ocean sings. I learned why ‘Roller Coasters’ by Tank and the Bangas could bring me to tears.
I learned God again. Maybe for the first time since I was 12. I never had given up on believing I just never knew he loved me this much. And maybe this is the humbling lesson that I had to learn to be able to reconnect with all my values. To really make another leap in my character development.
I learned that broken was the man. But I learned that healing wasn’t unattainable. I learned I was willing to work through whatever. Love slow when I wanted to speed up. Play the supporting cast. Play protector. Love when there was no love to be returned.
And yeah, it’s been dark, cold, and lonely in my life.
I’m ready to fall. Fall into every good thing I know love can offer. Ready to fall into healing. Ready to fall into whatever comes next in God’s planning. I know the intelligent design. And I believe my heart was meant to tear. And i’ll work my own repairs, while working hers too. Love myself and love another’s heart. Even if it gets hard and heavy for me.
Well I never gave up on life and love. I want to be able to love in a way that God loves. I want to be able to give in the way he does. To lead under his light. To spread his light. I’m trashed. I’m low. I’m learning. To trust in his lead over union. I learned in scaffolding, that yes it may be double work, but if the foundation’s off strip down and rebuild instead of standing atop something unstable. And I’m glad I got to experience rock bottom again. What comes back from this will be the strongest foundation of love.
Please Lord I pray that you keep working on me. I also pray you keep answering my prayers through her. She’s my everything and I’m not afraid to admit it. I admit it before you, before the world, through my humbling heart.
I’m
Dream Big 