Grief is Invisible
Subway tracks
Wisdom doesn't come cheap .
It comes from a body spent with damages.
And the deepest wounds covered with dollarama bandages.
And dreamimg of presence through painful absences.
This journey is a constant search to reactivate my happiness.
Would it be blasphemous to ask to see God's master planner?
I use to worry about what comes after but now im worried that you sit waiting with empty answers.
I'm at my calmest during disaster.
And start to drowing when it quiets down.
Wearing my black with pride now.
And learning quietness isn't always manners.
Cause some mfs actually need to be put in their place.
And misplaced words remind me I'm not as numb to this as I thought.
So I lie and go on brave, since that's a lighter cost.
And I hide it just because.
I have no space for heavier discourse.
My face a blank slate hiding the straining weight.
Throw my screams into the crashing waves.
And let a Black Bay sunset wash the pain away.
I keep conversation for the wordpress pages.
Writing saves me from decaying.
These posts are a freeze frame.
Small vibrant moments of captured mind states.
Wrote this om the subway home from work.
Love?
Body to body.
Make me forget my unimportance.
Fill my pores with the grace only you bring.
Still my core with the peace that you pour in.
I wanna glow with that shea butter sheen.
Give me your love so I can hoard it.
Find attraction in my human.
My body and flesh love you with only a percentage of what my heart and soul do.
I want to mold a better future* while I know you.
Fall in love with me and all the things we grow through.
If I could have one wish, it would be for just one moment where you see yourself through my eyes.
You’d never feel self doubt again knowing the quality of design I see.
And truthfully I only ask that in love the Lord keeps guiding me.
I’m nothing yet I hope to be your everything
The F Word
Lend me your heart.
Or do I already occupy most of the space there?
You’re the center of my displaced fears.
It’s Jah, I, then you,
even though you hold the heaviest weight here.
Those troubled Sargasso Seas had started to taste weird.
My fate’s clear.
Jah wash over I, these words are my spiritual Faith’s care.
Fissures and craters are forming within which means my healing is falling behind eerily.
I hold better days near to me.
I gotta find peace of mind.
Even though these shattered pieces of mine are getting harder to find.
Tell me how to define something that’s been missing my whole life.
I’m a product of closed fist striking both the seed and the wife.
I know haunting alcoholic figures.
I thought the only way through was to punch first then try to heal all the demons.
I’m as much my own man as I am a collection of all the sins of the Simmons name that I’m bringing.
I’m Raleigh and Get it Green, but also a shortened temper inspired by this environment that I’m breathing.
I use to toss my pain to the side to use as a weapon when I need it.
But that always left my spirit split.
I remember my brother’s grief of growing up first, and all the nights full of screaming.
That is the curse I’m defeating.
Forgiving and releasing.
I use to put a muzzle on and shut it up because they said a man needn’t speak it.
I was full on emotions alone for all the nights I had to eat ‘em.
so David tell me how such a shattered man could take active steps towards his healing?
And find his life’s meaning?
idk just yet either.
These words are for a future* full of freedoms.
For I&I.
6 am no sleep journaling
Water me
Her waters are the oceans that I drown in.
Her waters are the pool of my baptism, saving me.
Her waters are turbulent raging waters.
Her waters are also Tilicho lake, pure serenity.
Her water drips the drop that disturb the pool of my inner peace.
One ripple that set off a lifetime of waves.
Crest and troughs defined the rollercoaster of love that she had given me.
But now I’m ready for the scary part of the drop where I start falling fast, steep and deep.
Knowing her waters will always break my fall i can only hope that they wouldn’t shatter me.
Her waters oxygenate my blood… flooding me with energy.
Her waters are the shower that cleanses my soul of depression.
Her waters carry the little glass bottle that is overflowing with God’s message.
The beauty in which her water falls is a blessing.
This must be the water the angels in Heaven sip to get themselves some refreshment.
Her water is an ice cold sip on a Bermuda summer scaffolding day.
Her water is the peace that I started to find at Black Bay.
like an old, seasoned sailor… the journey across her waters is defining me.
and my waters dance to the pull of her moon, happily caught up in her gravity.
we should spend our lives together. Taste the sweet promises of a forever. Work at mending and molding each other until we’re healed and we’re better. I choose your spirit on earth and I’d choose it in the further. I wanna see our love go far. You’re the shooting star I wish upon. and you’re my favorite song. I know all the words to your melody and i wanna sing along. Oh how I would love to be loved by you. To be the subject of your poetry. To be where your love flows. To be where you plant your seeds, where you watch your love grow. Imagine being chosen by Earth’s finest. I pray coverage over our union, i need divine intervention and some divine timing.
Let’s spend this life thing as a unit. I accept all the flaws that make up your perfect human. An oxymoron maybe. You like Michelin star level plating. Crafted. Classy and classic. Lost in your smile and much as i wanna be lost up in your ***. Imagine being tethered to God’s best creation. Imagine my other half being my literally other half. My same person. Im way too imperfect for another chance.
Let’s spend this life shit making sure we enjoy this life shit. Piece by piece breaking down our heavy loads. Heaven only knows how we push through. And you’re heaven to me but that’s old news. New news is that I’m ready. I’m seasoned. I’m learned. I’m closer to God. I’ve been humbled and stripped raw. Let’s write the next chapter the way we want. Let’s author better days. Let’s write and craft a story that even hollywood fantasizes about. Let’s edit what needs to be fixed and let’s shine.
She is literally the type of gorgeous that they write about in fables.
she’s epic.
She’s prayed for.
she’s everything.
shes immense.
she’s Empyrean.
she’s …
Within.
When the Silence becomes deafening
I turn my ears towards you God.
Or maybe rather the you that lies within me.
The tiny voice that I hear and the guidance I seek.
Aligning my stars with their peace.
Trying to line up with the I and I like this was a Rasta thing.
I pray coverage over my temperament. This upcoming month I really was to focus on bettering how I react to things. I want to continue to move with love. I want to continue to challenge myself to grow. I want to be in tune with everything I want to be. I want to receive everything I desire while being able to enjoy it because I believe I deserve it. I want to grow and build with her. I want to bring her past this darkness this world surrounds her with and remind her that her place is amongst the heavens.
She’s Celestial.
She’s superlunary.
The title of my love story is “The Moon and Me”.
I plan to love her through her dark nights. Love her through her cycles. Love her “new moon” as much as I love her “full moon”. Love her crescent as much as I praise her whole. I want to help fill her until her cycle completes and she is back to the image of herself that even she can praise. She shines so bright. I sway graciously in her pull. I bask in the miracle of having got to know her. And that’s the truest way I can describe having gotten to know her. Life’s most simple yet grand pleasure. The biggest part of my everyday. So i sing her praise like a wolf pronounces their admiration of the full moon. And I hope my love fills every crater…every ‘flaw’ (cause she’s perfection to me)… every phase. Hakuna Matata.
I hope I can spirit away her problems. Lead her healing through prayer and effort. Through love and attention and safety. To love the someone as immense as the moon is no small task… But like I said earlier, I want to challenge myself. I hope she finds relief in the ways I love her. And I plan to better myself everyday.
To a better temperament all 2024.
To a girl who is Peace.
She is patiently crafted.
Perfection.
Rare. Real. Royal.
Everything.
Dream Big 