Dream Big

Running faster from a better me.
Avoiding mirrors by any means.
Hold me up, because my spirit’s steady buckling. 
These words are my truest form of accountability.

Neglecting self reflection.
A trade off for a deep depression.

I feel like a last option.
I’m a sinking ship you take your heaviest loads and drop em in.
Who could find forever in my shipwreck.
I’m damaged jewels with no value left.  

Un import me from your memories.
Unimportant anatomy. 
I’m fragile with rough handling.
Caress your soul but cut mine into pieces.
I’m a prepaid plan, loving me is temporary leasing.

My soul is missing peace if it isn’t by the Bermuda beaches.
Praying that these prayers don’t just get lost up in the ether.
I’m sure it’ll be alright either way.

I needed you.
All the devilish wisphers I weeded through.
The mental prison in which I needed your keys so that I could loose.
Living off borrowed strength to do all the things I use to believe that I could do.
How could any human be right for you?

I’m hurt more than I could ever express. 
These words are me paying my nightly dues. 
I wish I was only lightly bruised.
But I’m the low-hanging fruit that turned ripe too soon. 

I needed you. 
God, it’s impossible that you abandoned me in these tough times.
Still trying to figure out what’s mines.

A full moon’s blossom.
A soul’s cry.
Intertwining passions as our atoms collide.
Two souls but maybe one mind.
Shared sentiments for a lifetime.
When is ever the right time?
Leave the darker days behind.
Send all these prayers to the skies.
How was I blessed enough to find a love so divine across 8 billion lifelines?
I’d phone a friend just to sing praises of how stunning your full moon is. 
The other phases never phased me.
We go together like turkey and gravy.
You leave a taste sweet and savory.
Every flavour of you saves me.

Heaven knows my secrets.
I hope the angels help me keep em.
Because this pen is steady bleeding,
The words I wish to keep in.
Theres no more room for vocalizing the thing’s I’m carrying.
It’s just me and the journal for my feeling’s burial.

Silence fits me best.
Any time I speak up it feels like I’m stepping in a trap.
Face down, I couldn’t trust in what’s coming next. 
This comes from my heaviest of chests. 

There’s no lock-pick for my heart’s hidden chambers.
All my damages go unclaimed. 
Loving me has way too many dangers.
My patterns go unchanged. 
My tongue cuts like a razor.
Self Love is a losing game. 

I’m a stain. 
I just wish my message could be reframed.

Ugly spirited, I no longer shine bright.
We only connect if the emotions run high.
I fend for myself on the everyday otherwise.
Can anyone truly love me when it’s slow going?
If the concrete keeps on pouring then how can the rose grow?

I know this troubled mind is my biggest curse. 
It was only a gift if I didn’t get lost in the hurt.
Backpedaling to my worst.
There’s no one to co author any happier words.
Sitting still no longer heals the scars. I don’t think anything works.
I’m ugly in more ways than one.

I finally stopped having nightmares this past week.
But it seems my biggest fears haven’t passed me.
I pray peace over this journey.
But happiness is as fleeting as these autumn leaves.

Thought I completed the lesson plan.
Just to flip the page and see the message never ends.
I derseve this period of soul damaging.
I deserve knowing I’m lesser than.
another …
winter’s probably the only season that’s meant for Simms.

I wont attach my hancock to these scribbled word.
I only look inwards when the feeling is simmered hurt.
I spewed enough venom to see the damage prevented me from healing her.
Praying the angels still think of me when they walk the earth. 
I could use a guadian to guide me far away from my worst.
Running from myself is the only time I end up first.

I know God probsbly reads these verses.

Post s:

Have you ever been less than?

Less than someone’s best experiences? Less than their happiest? Less than their most exciting love?

I have.

I am.

I live with not being good enough everyday. I’m just not worth it.

Most days the weight of this heartbreak swallows me. Most days I have no energy to pull through.

🙂 🙂 :).

.

Forced healing revealed all my soul’s unsolved mysteries.

I’m an amalgamation of my sins & my attempts to be better than my tainted history.

Life’s greatest gift to me may just be all the pain these battered shoulders lift for me.

Catch me wherever the light’s fading, betting the reaper that I can live this life more blissfully.

I’m worthless we all know it.
I’ve never known somebody to show me love.
I only know the people that show me up…
Laugh in my face.
Hold victories over me I can’t ever replace. 

Because I’m the disposable kind. 
Replaceable …
An unlovable mind .
No place in this world I ever could find.
I keep my battles inside.
I know nobody would ride 
for me.

Every night another terrible dream.
Of the wins another man held over me.
My insecurities. 
The pain I carry.
The pages I rip.
The stories I buried.
Deep within these fracture ribs.

but never mind.
pay no attention to my words like every time.