Dream Big

I long to travel…

I miss the beautiful tones of cultural exchange.

The laughter that transecends religious/ethnic/ or language barriers.

I want to be a tourist again.
To be a volunteer.
To hike and be one with the nature of a country in the most pure of ways.

To make friends and family
To share hearts over good food.

To gain new knowledge that leaves me with better understanding of my role in the life.
To be inspired…

I travel because it is inspiration you see.
It leaves me feeling innovative and creative.

I want to to listen and be opened to perspectives I otherwise would’ve never came across.

To watch eyes dance around a campfire.

To take road trips.

To see the best sunsets.

I want…
To share music.
Like how I introduced A Malaysian friend to Daniel Caesar and then we played that song back about 100 times in that next week.

Or how they had me bumping Tingi Tingi.

I wanna cement my travels.

Make a scrap book.

Tattoo them into my spirit.

My spirit of exploration.

Mostly,
I want To share it with the love of my life.

Oh yeah!
To find out what I’m made of all alla dat dea.

Travel, is otherworldly.

Because it introduces you to other worlds.

Travel is me.

Heres my temporary travel bucket list!

• Lofoten, Norway
• Shizuoka, Japan
• Faroe Islands
• Tuvalu
• Seceda/Positano, Italy
• Valle Verzasca, Switzerland
• Cartagena*
• Seoul*

*where ever else bbg wants to travel*

After meeting Luna at HIDE Chan we take a stroll through the NYC night life. This truly is the city that never sleeps. A city that gives second chances. The best city on Earth.

We caught up over dinner. And now we’re strolling. I decide we could catch the late movie. it’s about 9:15 and I know there’s normally a 9:45 movie that we could make if we headed up to lincoln square now. So we hop in an uber and vibe with the driver until we get there.

The ride was pretty silent. Not necassrily awkward, but after not seeing eachother for some time it was a little bit more difficult for me to find the words to fill the smallspaces. So much had changed for the both of us. I was going to be back at my old job soon and she was neck deep in course work. In general i was also much happieer and healthier.

As we pull up to the AMC I walk around to let her out of the car. Her swavorski necklace shimering under the city lights.

We go inside and walk up to the desk and the staff member, Troy, working the ticket booth and after a mini roast sessions he tells me go ahead.

Luna, asks me why we didn’t have to pay and I told her I use to work here so I don’t have to pay depending on who’s working and if they remember me.

We get upstairs and everyone behind the counter greet me with laughs and jokes and lots of free snacks.

We decide to go see the nee Jurassic World movie. And It’s pretty empty inside being that it’s 9:20pm on a Thursday.

As the lights dim and the theater grows loud with action. I can’t help but steal glances at Luna. Watching her reactions to certain scenes. Nervously looking away if I caught her about to look at me.

She glows. She is perfect like the moon.

Be mines now and forever.
Through any kind of weather .
Let's embark on Life's endeavor together.
You couldn't even fathom the pressure,
You released from my soul.
Your burden I'll hold.
Your fewture I'll help mold.
You're the fire to my ice. 
When I'm heated you'd help me cold, or cool off.
You light my path, You're my Rudolph.
And with you I hope this life could turn, 
Into something much greater than we thought it could be.
I hope I build you like you build me.
I hope we see an eternity. 
Maybe three. 
I'd climb mountains and topple towers to make sure you'd have you some ease.
And surely you'll conquer this world. 
or you'll be runnin' it like Garside. 
Or Pharcyde
I hope to keep you by my side. 

One thing I been trying to work through is the concept of time.
I’ve been trying to learn to take my time.
Because the clock I’m working on isn’t my own. The time I have in this earth is limited and could be taken from me whatever.

Whether you beileive in God, which i do, or gods, or something else, or nothing at all I feel we all have some concept of the importance of time. My concept is that time takes no prisoners. If there is anything after this life, or reincarnation, so be it but at the least this physical body will fail me some day.

I just think I know now.
That nothing metaphysical is moving away from you. Like we run and run and run and rush towards things that have no intention to leave us behind.

I.e. Love, or happiness.
So why should I keep racing towards to all my desire for these things… happiness and understanding?

Time wise, the things that matter will always be around.
So take your time.
Learn what makes you happy.
Experiment with the things you wish you could do. (Travel. Write. Scuba Dive). Experiment with your sexuality. Your ideas and beliefs.

Live .

Laugh.

Take time to learn partner.
And learn how to love them.

Learn how to respond to different situations.
Rude coworkers.
Overdemanding bosses. Everyday stress.
And cater to your soul.
Because that’s what hurts the most when you realize you “wasted” what precious time you do have.

Learn to react in real time to what stresses you.
Learn how to handle in time what causes pain.
And by in real time, what i mean is…
Like let’s say someone upsets you
You dont need to strike them or curse at them
Yes feel the anger in real time.
But on your own time respond
So if that’s walking away and coming back five minutes later to address it.
Or Distancing yourself for days or a week until you calm down.
Or even handling it right there and then. Do what works for you.
As long as it’s on your time .

Because This time thing is valuable. Its our most precious resource.

Although, when it comes to the more tangible things.
Like your “Goals and associations”lol .
Time might be pressed. You might need to manuever at different paces. You might need to put things in motion now for longer term goals. Or work quickly to accomplish short term ones.

But remember, time will always be there so manage it wisely.

If you have a five year goal.
Pursue it.
Chase after it.
But if you fail or fall short…

Same with shorter ones.

Adjust.

Extend your timeline or move on.
Set new goals
Learn for your shortcomings.

And I guess most important is to Trust your intuition.
If you feel like everythings speeding past you .
Take a step back and analyze what you can do to catch back up.

If your moving too fast and missing out on the smaller things . Maybe slow down a bit and enjoy them. Cause you might regret it when they’re no longer around.

Take your time.

Healing can happen for us.

I’ve been feeling kind low lately.

Undesirable.

Let’s climb mountains.

Let’s be free.

Meet me at Tilicho Lake. Around 4920 meters above sea level.

I’m at the precipice of the entire world.

I feel so small surrounded by such giants.

I wonder what it’d be like to take to the sky.

To Fly.

I imagine it must be amazing.

“Mushrooms”

I don’t quite have a picture that does it justice but quite possibly my favorite meal of 2020 was this well ass mushroom Wellington I had for Christmas. I can’t wait to try out another wellington recipe.

“Taking Responsibility for your actions when you were being a bad human”

This is on You. Do it on your own time. Start with forgiving yourself. So even if the offend parties don’t forgive you, you’re still able to move on with your life.

Analyze yourself. If your plan is to learn from your mistakes then do that. It takes time and I’m sure its something we all can do. Shoot I’m still learning and applying this to my everyday life.

Hold yourself accountable. Promise yourself to be different. And when you fail hold yourself to that failure. We all get upset and fall short and disappoint sometimes.

But also what is a “bad human”. Is reacting based on your emotions “bad”? Is lashing out at someone when they might not even be the reason your upset “bad”? Is not wanting to deal with other people’s bs “bad”?

I don’t think so. Humans are flawed. And emotional. And the best thing is, everyday is a new slate to step up and grow from the previous one. No mater how hard it might seem.

“The Void”

I don’t think I’ll ever do justice trying to explain the emptiness the void brings . Especially when everyone’s experience with it is bound to be vastly different.

“Broken Mirrors”

Stick a sticky note on your mirror telling yourself you are gorgeous. Read it aloud everyday. Maybe the reading and speaking will manifest self confidence. Rewire the brain to believe that you are gorgeous.

I plan to try this in 2021 for a month. Every morning before work. Join me

“Whole Hearts”

It is hard to see

I whole heartedly believe

Love is the Answer.

“Regression”

I fall back into old ways quite often. Many things I’m not proud of.

Unhealthy ways.

Unappealing.

Sad.

And there’s levels to that.

Deep dives and shallows splashes.

Retracing steps along a trouble path just because.

Or just feeling the coldness take over so I might not even care to keep moving forward.

But catching yourself and constantly moving is a part of Progression.

And I know…

Healing can happen for us.

The sun kissed gods and goddesses.

Progression can be our 2021.

If you’ve come this far. Comment below anything you’d like to see me write on. Or express in 2021. Bless

~comfort or consolation in a time of distress or sadness.

“I can see it all over your face it’s just one of those days right? Well kid we all have them just keep your head up and get through.”

-Elder Stranger

Those are the kind of interactions that normally sit unwell with my soul.

Maybe it’s because I don’t think you can truly judge how I feel based on looking at my appearance.

And even if you could it’s not in your right to tell me how to feel about how I’m actually feeling.

I hate a “Cheer up” or “You never smile” type person.

Maybe I’m just chilling.

Nonchalantness is the face I wear quite often you know?

But today I’ll take those quoted words above and use them as a token that everything’s okay.

A quick jolt of enthusiasm on a day I actually was feeling quite defeated.

Monotony getting the best of me.

A ray of light in a bleak moment.

And think back to how 3 years ago I kept telling myself how I planned to spread positivity is as many human interactions as I can possibly muster.

I’ll get back to that. I’ll get back to me. Or forward to me. Applying the lesson I’ve learned. Reach that peace I’m sure is right around d corner.

Idk

Bless

I hope the times get easier
We’re so high up in the clouds
We’re straddling the ether.
Depression written all over my personality
It’s hard to beat.
Days numbered theres gotta be a better path for me.

Either way we “living off borrowed time”
that’s word to Dumile.
That’s word to the truest villain
Who’s diverse words we would spray.
Singing along a ASK radio feature
From bermuda to malay.
You brought joy.

Just know if you come first you still after me
Done following the societal recipe
Disaster waiting if I continue down that path you see.

My peace of mind is getting harder
To find.
Happiness is harder to define.
I’m Further behind
Than I intended to be.

My chakra’s aligning.
Sun shining.
Sitting here drawing it in.
To brighten my days.
My head throbbing
My hearts rowdy.
Breaking out my frightening ways.

I Don’t bring enough to the table.
But I’ve been learning the proper etiquette
That’s me constantly becoming a better fit.
Weird and strange became my epithet.
Take your breaks from the internet.
Because blindly believing what you read will lead to crumbling of the parapet around your mind.

Learning to take my time.
To climb.
To walk towards excellence with every stride.
Still planning to put the depression past where my mind can find it.

Healing is what we reaching for.
Just gotta keep my soul in tact.
Be prepared for war 
When the demons that haunt me decide to finally attack.

They remind me where I lack.
And I strengthen that to its core.
I'm always ready to step up and give you more.


At the drop of the hat you’d see me change from being nonchalant,
To a legend in the making.
But don't get it mistaken
If my words fail I could be quick to let my fist hit your face.
Trying to move past that.
I'm still a work in progress
But I'm not here to quit.

Trying to perfect my pen's craft.
Trying to find my purpose and make that last.
Cant hold your mistakes against you,
or hold you to you past.

Cause I mess up to. 
And with the internet that shit is everlasting.

Forgive me if I've wronged you
Cause in the end
We just gotta move
2021 I plan to no longer feel defeated 
But to walk to a different groove.

Cause what goes around is what you will receive back in due,
Time.
Reciprocity or Karma
Free your soul and mind. 

Wondering what I'm here for?
Just know

If your mind is against you.
Then sharpen it dearly
To cut through the bullshit
That's haunting you yearly. 
The devil that's been whispering in ya ear
Telling you the shit you never wanted to hear.
Or maybe you did.

“Might’ve drove me to losing my mind
Like an angry parent in the bleachers
Or a lost soul that's underachieving.
Lost track of my sole like wearing worn out sneakers
Sneaking a peek in my divination reading
Maybe I can find a prophecy like Trelawney is my teacher" 

Move and grow

Alll 2021