There isn't enough time to heal a fractured heart.
Who told me these bandaid methods could hold my sanity?
It's like i got caught in quicksand but then stopped sinking with just my head afloat.
I wonder if it'd have been me instead would the world be a slightly better place?
My tears fall into the empty spaces anyway.
My muffled cries fade before they reach the ears I'd want to hear them.
My pain's invisible because I laugh it off with a jester's temperament.
I find pieces of myself floating in the Toronto city wind.
I lose pieces of myself biting my tongue at work.
I work at peaceful solutions cause a lighter journey is what we all deserve.
And when I think that maybe I could be happy *one day*.
I realize my foundation is more causarina root than concrete base.
Have I eaten yet today?
Should I pray for better days?
I wish I could've paid death's debt and heard your laugh today.
Do we truly meet again in atomic form?
Is it as peaceful as we all hope for?
Did something grander come on the other side life's closed door?
Carry me into your happiest space.
I promise it's safe for me to reside there.
We exist in a time when love is a transaction.
And we treat each other like time shares.
Likes and a text are seen as effort.
And physical time is rare.
Online attention is enough but showing up in every moment is nothing.
I'm still trying to learn you everyday
You are where the angels stay.
Subway tracks
Wisdom doesn't come cheap .
It comes from a body spent with damages.
And the deepest wounds covered with dollarama bandages.
And dreamimg of presence through painful absences.
This journey is a constant search to reactivate my happiness.
Would it be blasphemous to ask to see God's master planner?
I use to worry about what comes after but now im worried that you sit waiting with empty answers.
I'm at my calmest during disaster.
And start to drowing when it quiets down.
Wearing my black with pride now.
And learning quietness isn't always manners.
Cause some mfs actually need to be put in their place.
And misplaced words remind me I'm not as numb to this as I thought.
So I lie and go on brave, since that's a lighter cost.
And I hide it just because.
I have no space for heavier discourse.
My face a blank slate hiding the straining weight.
Throw my screams into the crashing waves.
And let a Black Bay sunset wash the pain away.
I keep conversation for the wordpress pages.
Writing saves me from decaying.
These posts are a freeze frame.
Small vibrant moments of captured mind states.
Wrote this om the subway home from work.
To someome like me
Pour love into the things that pour into you. It’s all so important. If you’re pouring into an empty cup step back until the time is right. Or remove yourself completely. Sometimes the best option is to let someone find the ways to plug their own leaks. Its better to protect yourself immediately than to have to sulk in the aftermath of all the damage you endured.
Stay up
.
Wish i was the one , for the one that’s my one.
We keep hurt tucked in the torn pages.
Pain turned us to strangers.
Tryna to keep a few paces ahead of my bleak fate.
Folding
You were my known peace.
In the days my mantra was no peace.
I wouldn't have known love if it was shown to me.
Is anyone proud of who I've grown to be?
The journey's feeling lonely.
Am I more than what actions had told me?
Dwelling.
Only my pen knows the pain that I carry.
I'm sure Heaven's seen the demons I've sat and played cards with.
On the dark days I needed peace
I doubted my bond with Jesus.
Sin felt like the most satisfying release.
I couldn't believe it, self sabotage felt needed.
The work to break too heavy a bond
Left me with scars, I was spiritually bleeding.
My confidence was fleeting.
I felt like 2013 Simms.
You ever felt your biggest blessing slip through your grip?
I feel so many evil eyes peering at me.
Prying at these rusty latches
I put in place to keep my false sense of happy.
Cause good times come in blotches and patches.
I write for relaxment.
But end up dweilling too heavy on the past.
Imner
Let's build a love with calm hands.
The type of hands that could sew my heart's grandest fissures.
I'm talking a patiently painted picture.
I pray to magnify God within us.
Little scrimmages fixed with care,
Healing the inner.
Planting
I'm tryna cushion the fall of wherever your heart's landing.
There's no need for it to shatter if I'm in your presence.
I've seen you grow your petals from buds to a garden that's well managed.
I'm only leaving it up to God's planning if I'm also digging my hands in.
And working to till the ground for the precious seeds that you're planting.
You're the rich earth, the water, the sunlight, and the flower pot I'd hope to grow my spiritual plants in.
Yayard
We neglect the ones that love and need us most.
Its easy to overlook the effort thats given if you see it evrtyday.
Love. Live. Laugh. While your heart still beats.
Do the things you want and rekindle lost dreams.
Pour yourself into things that fill you.
Love hard.
Life is fleeting but the moment doesn’t have to be.
Subway Ride Words
Does our soul glow diminish
Anytime we let the devil win?
Letting toxic energies blend within me.
Mixed ideologies with someone I would never want to be.
No more summer scaffold days no more savoring Sargosso breezes.
Wipe my eyes anytime they get to dampening.
My mind tenses thinking only of grimmer endings.
Took a peek over the edge.
And lost his ashes to the wind.
I guess I'd rather feel the loss
Than lose any momentary wins.
Compressing gears and pushing nearer.
Drag my heart against its will.
And make sure I fill it deep with healing.
Losing her is my only fear.
I'm tiptoeing around my wits brim.
I wrote this on a whim.
It takes real stregnth to look within.
And see all the ways the demons worked to dim me.
The next few years I better hope to enjoy the trip.
Because my happiness had grown thinner.
No more "faking it" left to spare.
Cupid spesred me through the heart and it took two years to find the clearing.
It's hard as fuq at times out here.
Especially walking around wearily.
Scared to let anyone near to me.
Even scared to look in mirrors Because I hate who I appear to be.
Dream Big 