by all accounts I’m a failure of a man, a friend, a person. All I can hope is moving forward my efforts to better myself pay off. That people forgive me. That I forgive myself. I’m so stupid. Most days I fall short. It’s a part of my humanity. Dave’s Failures. i can’t even get the most simple shit right.
Just watch how I end this year. Just watch how I start my day tomorrow. yerrr.
Stupid. Lonely. Embarrassing. Laughable. Unwanted. Unseen. Unloved. Underappreciated.
All the words that have become synonymous with the name i wear “David”.
Never enough. My spirit had ruptured. I knew things would get tougher Than calloused hands from scaffolding summers. I’ve felt lonely a while now. The motions of life became straining and monotonous. My self hatred grew gluttonous. But each passing days brings me closer to 2016 level self love in this.
Vicious how the cycle that we think that we are stuck in can be. Happy is distanced from me. Your light had interested me. It’s different to me. I’m seeing all the things I could be… It’s my demon v me. I’m needing both hands . One to write my mission in the lines i know it’s God’s plan. When your light refracts I catch new patterns i’m convinced that only david can see. It’s second nature to me , to grab that light tight in my free hand. And amplify it in the way that only i can. These are the roots that hold us strong. When internal weather storms, and im feeling quite sad. Because my happy grows distanced from me. But my soul glows when her presence twines its way into my life’s path. I keep my tears to myself, no one to turn to when the night passes.
alone, every night alone.
i am blessed for every second of her time she gifts to me.
goodbye worlds.
The grip you hold is soul shattering. very tied of the pain that i carry alone. The silence to lessen your burdens. The shame i hold i hope it will go. The efficacy of pen to pad therapy. The catalyst of changes to a better me. No longer tryna say things cleverly Or holding or to locks that have lost their keys …. Suffocating in the absence of you. But remembering that is me that has to learn how to breathe How to love and how to be. My atoms are starting to vibrate differently Sometimes i feel enlightened sometimes it sits heavy.
I’ve been trying my damn best. AM I good enough at all?
I crave proper human connection, I’ve been feeling all alone.
Abandoned, My heart weary and torn to shreds.
My tear ducts have to be dry by now.
The damage pounding in my head.
Some days I use to wish i was _ _ _ _.
But now I’m happy for the lessons.
I try and try and try. But my best doesn’t seem that interesting.
Striving for the lighter things in God’s Messaging.
Telling a new story, scripting different messaging. I'm finding the light in the cloudiest of passages. I'm fighting despite the whispers and the stress in this. Challenging my gift. Leaving what slows me behind. No guilty mind for unread chats in here.
You ever met someone that just makes it all easier? That makes this worth living? That becomes the reason you heart beats?
You feel blessed to know them? well Let them know. I’m sure it goes a long way… maybe it don’t.
The city of Abbotsford is really unkind to me man. IDFK how to make friends. or forge any real connections. but at least the stillness has me connecting back to me. SO i’m blessed.
Dream Big 