Dream Big

Please.

All I ask is that somewhere, somehow life decides to take it easy on me.

I wonder if God has even abandoned me. I’m sure he has.

Life had stripped me down and now there’s no good part of me left.

God probably laughs at me like all the rest.

Furthering myself from me.
To grow closer to what God asks.
Brushing the devil off isn’t the most easy of tasks. 
And to keep my blessings close, i gotta be bigger than my past.
I pray for her success.
i pray her happy is everlasting. 
Even if that means her happiness comes from somebody in stride that’s further past me.
i know I’m the last resort. And steps back in to me are that exactly.
reverting into a love she was growing past see. 

One thing… love will humble you.
It crumble’s your fear away which means you just fall that much harder. 
And it hurts that much more.
when you look yourself in the mirror and realize love is through with you.
i’m a bum on most days.
running from my mistakes.
wondering when i went wrong. 
I tried to love someone above me for too long.

Please keep growing your garden.

A field full of well watered and well tended Bougainvillea trees can grow from a well loved and catered to you. I see the beauty in you. The precious soul you have. It is worth going through spiritual war for. The mind that’s worth investment and expansion. The body that deserves praise. The heart that deserves someone that understands its rhythm.

Every time we watch a beautiful sunset together I have the pleasure of witnessing double the view. The full moon is the way God paints a reflection of you. Imagine the way I’m pulled into the gravity that your smile holds. I write to illustrate just how drawn I am to the promise of seeing you whole. The best day of my life will be the day you tell me you are my person to hold.

Please understand that your soil still holds so many nutrients. So what if we have to replant the seeds of self love and self confidence. So what if we have to sit in the breeze of forgiveness? There’s going to be so much damn beauty in experiencing the process of growing this garden together.

I’ve been watching you as you try to find your place amongst the stars.
Your purpose is hard to define because you were cosmically designed. 
You hold too much talent to follow just one path.
You’re supposed to paint the whole sky.
Watching you work your way back to full is a divine process.
And you don’t have me fooled one bit. 
I know that you are her. 
You and the moon and too beautiful to be separate entities.
Me and you could be on some Yue and Sokka ish. 
You make me happy , you’re my 11:11 wish. 
I know being a goddess must be a heavy task.
I know your loneliness is something a mortal like me couldn’t ease. 
I’m a man trying to play the moon’s everything.

Removing myself from spaces i’m unwanted in. There’s no more time to be working so hard to please people that could care less about me. Life teaches hard lessons. And the beauty in these no wifi nights is that i actually have to sit and listen. I have no friends. Nobody to rely on. I’m isolated. Isolated in my problems. In my mind. Voiceless. Unseen. Unwanted. Unloved. Unhappy.

And removing myself means further isolation. But at least I can learn to love myself again since no one else might.

Give thanks

This isn’t meant to be my year.
My worst nightmares become my reality.
isolated within my fears.
falling deeper into my destructive tendencies.
it’s just God and me.
and this cup full of my lonely.
nobody and nowhere is my home. 

These nights are long . And long isn’t necessarily boring or hard or torturous. But sleep does evade me. Does the heartbreak ever ease? Does insomnia ever leave? Idk