Too busy defining my manhood through parts of the man that had been stripped from me.
Love was a catalyst to my lonely.
Tried growing from a damaged seed, but the fountain of destruction keeos flowing.
I’d trade the skin that I’m in.
Nothing feels good about who i Am.
Like waves to a seashore
I'm caught in the movements of your love's grip.
I study you to see more.
Wash me clean through our tug of war.
Like a sunset's sweet kiss on the horizon.
Like my fingers to typing.
Some things go hand in hand.
If only these harsh lessons made me a better man.
Then I could fill the spot and feel worthy of your love again.
Until then, I'll bathe in your sweet moonlight.
I'm not a villain. I'm a man enamoured.
Trying to work through the pain that molds your armour.
Protecting you in a safe space.
Until you love me the same way.
The mirror holds my hate.
Everytime I pass i'm reminded of my darkness.
The hurt that litters my journal pages.
If longing to love you in all ways is wrong,
I'm the joker that Heath played.
I guess if you look like me, you not a freak.. you're just a freak.
A weirdo thats what the script says.
Release what the pen holds.
It's like im tethered to the free fall.
I'm saving my bleak soul.
To keep my downs from deepening.
I've been crawling out of rock bottom recently.
Only God knows what she means to me.
Battered and destroyed by my self abuser.
I know nightmares hide within every sleepness early morning.
Scared the night sky might refuse me when the time comes.
"Please dont have fun without me" is an anthem.
The rest is what I run from.
Your smile is the first butterfly in spring.
A reminder that things become warm again .
You love me with a seamstress' patience.
Threading strings of wholeness through my empty.
Even when scars re-open your tender hands work all the same.
You speak highly of me.
Matching your tone to the colours my spirit wears that day.
When you speak God finds me.
I walk taller, knowing your love is the fabric that binds me to happy.
My neck's sore from the steady downward gaze.
I'm scared to look mother earth in her face.
My spirit's riddle with shame.
From staying locked in the pain.
Where did the love go? I must've threw it away.
I use to be a mover , a shaker.
But now my feet are seasoned with malaise.
And where did the time go? My night collides with the days.
I asked the reaper to pay up.
I'm refusing to stay stuck.
No one told me that the rail holding me up was on loose hinges.
I'm operating at my sanity's fringe.
My hands click the pen top more than they clasp in prayer these days.
Morning nights stay.
Theybleed into the morning because I can never slip into a deep sleep.
Searching for release.
They never told me it was up to me to save me.
I always believed in loving angels.
But where does the love go when communication becomes unstable?
Do we ever forget the pain of our sloppy lover's tango?
Our bodies wrote this poem.
There’s more space between you and the edge of the bed than there is between our two skins.
Each time I lose my train of thought you finish the sentiment. Like a conductor guiding the weight of my freight back into its peaceful tracks.
I want to argue like my grandparents argued. Did we buy this shirt in Montreal or New York? Did you eat my last dinner roll? I washed the dishes last night but I’ll do it again today to save your beautiful hands the stress.
The remedies that love gives from growing older together.
I knew your baby faced late teens like I know the perfection of your mid-twenties.
The further I am from you the closer I am to empty.
It’s like my palms were made to caress the folds of your grandeur.
The entirety of God’s majesty exists in your creation.
I’m unafraid of this union unless our together looks like Together.
What would a day be without your sunrise ?
If the world ended tonight at least I knew heaven within my lifetime.
I always pick at my hearts healing scabs. Fresh wounds stay fresh too long because I wade in their damaging wake. Like oh we’re feeling better today? Have I not thought about the list of things that trouble me? Because who would I be without their companionship?
The fast track to self sabotage or the lomg road to healing? I walk the former. It’s making my steps lethargic. I sleep less and think more. I smile less and feel more. I shut myself off to protect myself from everything. I’ve learned to want less. Especially, since nothing wants me.
Dream Big 