I need more.
My spirit calls for its calling.
My eyes are sore from nights spent bawling, over open sores.
But i keep picking at my scabs anyway. 
The demons I’m fighting are all heavyweights.
How do you mend a heart ?
My chambers hold the secrets only my pen knows.
Trying to show her she never has to stand alone. 
I wanna co-author her self help book as her story unfolds.

I’ve been wanting to feel wanted.
Wanting to feel like a king again.
but I guess that’s just not in my kingdom’s plan. 
Maybe I need to give up.D-Simms was never enough.
calling love’s bluff.
i know there’s nothing in their deck of cards for me.

I was stuck in a delusion that anyone could be the one for me.
That’s the base of my heartbreak’s foundation.
I’m as disposable as the autumn leaves. 
Well reality is, I was the one that could never be missed.
I would never be the one for somebody else’s peace of mind or happiness.
 

You leave me bare.
Love this real is rare. 
But maybe i’m all alone in this sphere.
And every battle i fight is uphill and wearing.
teach me to care for your spirit.
im unaware of what more i should be givin.

too alone suffering in my loneliness.
my soul has yet to find a home out here. 
Trying to sustain my happy , so sick of it coming in spurts and moments. 
Save me from this deepening lonely.
i’m more than a homie. 
Home for you is home for me.
my personality’s too ugly.
to play lover to a goddess.

Sometimes when i just sit and take in all that’s around me.
i find clarity.
why am i running from time , when time already has its plan for me?
i gotta make my peace with the man i see.

no more games, i’m overwriting all my old save data.
beauty’s in the eye of the beholder but her 
beauty was patiently crafted by the creator. 
And i know life is what you make her.
i’m discipling myself to be steadfast in my prayers.

And like ps2 memory cards, blow me and i ‘ll function better.
just kidding though, i release all expectations for my position to matter. 

All praise goes to the most high for me making it this far. 
Stay at least 30 feet back from my leaking heart. 
Stay at least 2 lifetimes away from my unhappy mind.
let any peace of mines lead you to less defeating times.

Don’t let my heart slip through your fingertips.
Don’t make a meal of something as simplistic as this.
my soul is in your grasp please show me you know how to deal with it. 
I know this love knows no real limits. 

i woke up everyday groggy, lethargic, uninterested. i never knew a day that it wasn’t a struggle to get out of bed.

i don’t think i’ve ever truly seen myself. i barely smile. I walk past mirrors with a mission. the front camera on my phone only knows me when it’s switched off. i don’t remember the sound of my laugh. i don’t remember what lights my atoms ablaze with passion.

the younger me shies away when I approach him. refusing to acknowledge me as the man he grew into.

you know i never knew a day getting out of bed wasn’t a struggle for me…
until i slept in your air. you would say i liked to sleep in the dark… no need for a night light… but the truth is you were the light i needed. you were the dream catcher that stopped my nightmares. you were the comforter i’d wrap myself in. i never knew that peace was attainable. and as a lifelong insomniac i definitely never saw sleep as something to look forward to. 3 am was always my most productive hours. even on the days i made 6:30 am.
i always slept in the dark because that’s all i knew. it suited me best. it allowed me to turn a blind eye to the younger me that was cowering in the corner actually afraid of the dark that had encircled him.

i couldn’t even tell you what i wanted to be when i was a kid. what my favorite music was. i never was accepted. i always was picked on. i always struggled in my skin. i don’t think i ever saw myself as beautiful. handsome. interesting. i was the nerd. the geek. the weird kid that preferred the library over the sports field. but also preferred the sports field over girls.

i probably never woke up happy. i probably felt like the world was unhappy to have me. the fuck ugly duckling.

you became what the younger me would run to. the boy that shied away opened up. he found a home.
a home i sadly had never been to him. a home that seemed foreign in the 441.

i never knew my smile. but i like the one that was caught in summer 2024. it the midst of a storm. on some All Might shit.

my inner child thanks you. for bringing him to the forefront. idk. maybe the light within me … was always destined to shine when it crossed your current and your current alone. that’s the beauty in life. that someone can come along that the light within me could acknowledge as it’s own. that parts of me i didn’t know could be amplified by me just being me. and being confident enough to walk in that.

i’m rambling…