My pain cowers me within its chokehold.
I've afforded power to the devils I did and don't know.
I tilled and showered the environments in which I won't grow. 
I lost touch with who I wanted to be.
From wishing I wasn't in the skin that I carry. 
These listless shoulders too heavy.
She's the wishlist soul that I'd marry.
The pen tip click, shows that I'm heading into the right space. 
I'm lost you then lost myself, that's the battle i'm still fighting.
These silent cries for help, watching the numbers drop on God's timing.
Working to plug where my confidence leaks.
and then life throws me reminders of he and everything I never could be.

Was in the loop of life's cycle 
but found solace in the lowest point. 
I'm low low low.
If you cracked the pages in the crevaces on my brain it'd only be her that you'd know.
I know nobody could say the about me.