i woke up everyday groggy, lethargic, uninterested. i never knew a day that it wasn’t a struggle to get out of bed.

i don’t think i’ve ever truly seen myself. i barely smile. I walk past mirrors with a mission. the front camera on my phone only knows me when it’s switched off. i don’t remember the sound of my laugh. i don’t remember what lights my atoms ablaze with passion.

the younger me shies away when I approach him. refusing to acknowledge me as the man he grew into.

you know i never knew a day getting out of bed wasn’t a struggle for me…
until i slept in your air. you would say i liked to sleep in the dark… no need for a night light… but the truth is you were the light i needed. you were the dream catcher that stopped my nightmares. you were the comforter i’d wrap myself in. i never knew that peace was attainable. and as a lifelong insomniac i definitely never saw sleep as something to look forward to. 3 am was always my most productive hours. even on the days i made 6:30 am.
i always slept in the dark because that’s all i knew. it suited me best. it allowed me to turn a blind eye to the younger me that was cowering in the corner actually afraid of the dark that had encircled him.

i couldn’t even tell you what i wanted to be when i was a kid. what my favorite music was. i never was accepted. i always was picked on. i always struggled in my skin. i don’t think i ever saw myself as beautiful. handsome. interesting. i was the nerd. the geek. the weird kid that preferred the library over the sports field. but also preferred the sports field over girls.

i probably never woke up happy. i probably felt like the world was unhappy to have me. the fuck ugly duckling.

you became what the younger me would run to. the boy that shied away opened up. he found a home.
a home i sadly had never been to him. a home that seemed foreign in the 441.

i never knew my smile. but i like the one that was caught in summer 2024. it the midst of a storm. on some All Might shit.

my inner child thanks you. for bringing him to the forefront. idk. maybe the light within me … was always destined to shine when it crossed your current and your current alone. that’s the beauty in life. that someone can come along that the light within me could acknowledge as it’s own. that parts of me i didn’t know could be amplified by me just being me. and being confident enough to walk in that.

i’m rambling…