It does not really matter how long I have left. The exciting part about where I am is that I have the rest of my life left in front of me. I have the power to craft the future I want to see myself in.

And yeah… most things probably won’t work out the way I want. But i’m flexible to see where life takes me. I want to touch mountain peaks and I’m no longer afraid of valley lows.

I understand both sides. I understand the need to work towards goals, to have discipline and purpose. To develop skills. But I also understand the need of childlike innocence. I can’t let life pass me by chasing goals. I need to experience the beauty in all situations. In these harder times where I cry everynight. These grueling work shifts. This period where I’m alone. Every step is beautiful because I’m breathing, i have perspective and I’m moving. There’s also beauty in the stillness.

There’s beauty in her presence in my life. I can’t understate how falling asleep on call is saving me. How her voice lays a protective blanket over my troubled mind. How seeing “my love” at the end of a message reminds me why I need to get up and get it. The beauty in togetherness. I find sanity in her laugh. Her cuteness is unbearable. I will broke boy spoil her until I can tell her to kick her feet up. But I also know I’m her guy. I will protect her spirit. I will love her soul. I will cater to her physical beauty. I will help her mentally. I will get it right by her. And do it all the right way. I’ve never known anything more than I know that she is the person I want to spend life with. And that brings me back to the point. It doesn’t matter what’s in the rearview. It does not matter how many times we got it wrong. We have the opportunity to get it right for the rest of our lives. To be each other’s source. I’ll be her tank filling rain. That rain that will make the Bermudian in her say “I needed that”. That’s what I want for the rest of my life. To progress from one. To have everyday be an opportunity to get it right.

In love.

In my purpose.

In my every day interactions.

In my healing. In how I treat myself.

In creativity.

In travel.

In providing her laughs, peace, and prosperity.

Thank you God for showing me and teaching me and humbling me and paining me. I know what comes next will be the sweetest taste.

P.s.

Until then I expected these restless, tear filled, nights and arduous days to carry on. But I will carry on. I will continue to build the unbreakable foundation I need. Like 2016 summer days. I will use this season on emotional monsoons as motivation. I will remove all the loose sands, the fleeting images of self love snd replace them with a self confidence more concrete. I will break all the boulders that weigh heavy on my shoulders. I will remove mines to continue to make space for hers. Then work to remove those too. And idc if my hands are blistered and bloodied. That’s what gloves and bandaids are for. Here’s to the me I’m becoming.

Here’s to motivation in random places:

“I want to tell you that the windshield is bigger than the rearview mirror for a reason. What’s in front of you is so much more important than what’s behind you.” <•~ Jelly Roll.