There is power in the you that you are becoming through these experiences.

I’ve been searching for what God has had to say to me during these times.

And there’s a rumbling in my spirit…

Life’s a funny thing sometimes the lessons hit you even when you dint want them to. Other times you to listen. You have to search. You have to seek guidance in those around you. You have to listen to the message within you atoms. You have to change things up. Fail. Come up short once or thrice. You see me i fail more than i can count. Success are far and few between . But sometimes it feels like this life isn’t my own.

Sometimes i feel like a vessel . I know my strength isn’t my own. Maybe part of it is learned through her. I know for sure part of it has been lent to ne by the angels.

Sometimes all i want to do is share the burden. To listen. To hear. To connect my humanity to another person’s . You’re having a bad day i will listen for 30 minutes. You need to laugh i’ll try my best. You need a ride ? I gotchu. How can i bring God’s light into your oath? How can i connect us. Some of the best bonds i’ve ever made in life transcended language and culture. I remember Mama Fatayah in times like this. Devendra’s mom who said i was like a son to her by the time i left Nepal. Apay or the lady that fed me and Alung on the beach one random day. I think of chapthok, in which i planted roots of a home away from home. Who i hope to do justice in all i write about them. How those moments dictated my self belief. How i was able to feel so connected to people i couldn’t even verbally communicate with. How was i folded over gut wrenched dying laughter with tuk the stone mason yet i couldn’t say one word to him. It was my innate desire to connect. To let them know that if no one else cared i cared enough to make those 3 months worth every second I spent there. That i wanted to share in their burden. That i cared to make a difference.

Idk. I think if mr clay this summer. How it seemed my path crosses his at the right time. I just want to honestly have enriched people by me having been in their life.

I want to make something of my writing this yesr. Mold a message i can be proud of. I’m rarey proud of myself. But i want God to guide this pen. I want light to guide this mind. I want passion to drive this body. I want connectivity to be at the core.

Forgiveness and gratitude.

I especially want to help carry her load. I don’t know if she can really see or feel that I view her burdens as my own. that i treat them with even more care than I’d treat my own. that i wear them as well as i can. that i see her. that i listen. that i care. that i’m willing to put the work in. that my plane will never crash under her weight. i’m made to be her brace. well yeah i’m signing off.
i got back to the house safe.

byeee