My spirit changes with the seasons. But i’m hoping my soul finds the opposing effects. I hope i can grow warmer as the days get colder and darker. I sit at the spot where i’ve shed the most tears And tonight’s no easier. Everything sits heavy on my fatigued shoulders. Tonight is no easier I swear. But I welcome the zoom of passing cars that disrupts my mind’s travel. I hear the humbling nature of God’s messaging. And the only thing I would change is how much I failed these past however months. Failed to listen. Failed to provide safety. Failed to play my part. 

I wanna change how lethargically I approach my days. I try to hold her up as I drown. I try to smile when I carry no happy. It literally has started to snow as I write this. Maybe there’s purity in the change I need.  I need to be better to receive better. I need to listen more so I can hear. I need to heal so I can give her healing. Unconditionally. I must forgive myself. And change these dark days into passionate ways. The concrete surrounding the foot that I left stuck in my destructive ways is cracking. And a whole garden is growing. And the spring of my change is coming early. And the coldness doesn’t feel as much like home as it once was. I use to think dark days suited me best. But maybe light and love is better fashion. 

I would never trade the lessons this patch of life had taught me. Never plan to lose the messaging. The newfound meaning of love I found is a blessing. And now I can share it. I can be grateful for the piece of heaven she brings to my earth. The largest piece of my peace.

She’s cosmic.

Beautiful.
Covered.
The most perfectly crafted soul.