Start up Close to You ¬ Frank Ocean.

The closer i try to get to all that’s around me. the lonelier I feel. The hardest it seems to make friends, maintain relationships, or find anyone that values me.

And as important as self love is… sometimes I desire the love of others around me. I desire to be close to…
This Period is actually hot ass… my roomates are testing my thinning nerves. The assistant manager at work is a dictator. I used up a lot of my energy giving to others. And now I have to recharge myself alone. The four walls of my room offer no solace. My best friend is my landlord’s dog. And I appreciate her for being excited to see me everytime i go upstairs. But then I hurt more because I don’t feel that with any person.

As close as I was getting to myself these past few months. I realize i’m more disconnected than ever. I allowed myself to sustain so much damage. I don’t even recognize the fragments of myself right now. I’m shattered.

I sit and stare at the city lights. The smallness of it all amongst the BC mountains. I’m small. I’m a literal speck. This blog is my only legacy. I’m closer to God.

The Karma I’m receiving is only right. The heaviness of this reciprocity is hard to stand against.

So… as i close certain chapters and get closer to the lonely i was pre 2016
at least this time i tried to get close to something special.

And if 2024 is no new friends, and dry phones, and lonely, sleepless nights listening to my roomates alarm blare for 7 hours straight… i might just