Walking the well worn lane.

The dead ending road of self hatred, loneliness and shame.
Only you hold the oxygen that could ease my chest's pain.

Spiraling down the four-star drain.
Until somebody came and saved me.

Lahai the soundtrack of 3am blues.
I'm tumbling down the scaffold trash chute.
Emotions flying loose. 
My tongue too.
Tbh These are the days I find myself needing you.

No one to turn to. 
But also there's no one I rather run to.

I had to lose the biggest part of me.
To see the irony in what i was using to define my self-valuing. 

The sadness of Truancy in s2 days, 
Was resurfacing in destructive ways.
I'm looking to find better ways to say,
that I refuse to hold in what's been damaging. 


Bettering my best. 
My troubled ways are worth abandoning. 
Abandoned and Alone the adjectives that describe my heart's melody.

At least
 Close fist tantrums and spiteful words
are turning into open conversations and patience learned.
guess that means i'm growing up?
my heart waits in turn

When is my moment to receive all I put out?
Or am I the door mat type?
I'm steady torn at night.

3 am brings nothing but harsh realities.
a bitch ass roomate's alarm blaring.
Staring contests with my depression this fucking alarm is all I'm hearing.
My heart and my mind play tug of war my spirit's tearing.
THIS ALRAM TEARS THE ASS I MIGHT SLAP THIS MF. 
but i might also lose all i worked for. 
Each day I hurt more.
Someone look out for David for once, or am i not worth more?

i guess not. 
tired of typing these tired words up on my laptop. 
maybe one day someone will answer.
until then its me and my demons 4 am tap dancing.
HOPELESS romancing.
and give up hope of a better life sentence. 

why is my karma so heavy?
why is my silence so deafening?
who doesn't wake up by alarms they stay steady setting?
i'll tell you who A mf that next time i catch in the kitchen might catch A FUCKING SLAPPING.