And I’m thankful to the king for his continue’s guidance and lent strength. For the music that saves me. For the voice of the one I love. The cadence and melody she speaks always warms the deepest parts of me. Excites me. Cures me.

Healing is the David from 2013. We shook hands today and stood proud in our progress. Our refusal to digress. Or to accept less. We met up with David from primary school. And told him to come out. It’s okay you don’t have to hide. We won’t be that same old, sad and damaged guy. We accept all and forgive more. We can laugh at ourselves together now.

And not hold onto the pain too dear. And listen and love. Each other. And share experience and memories to complete ourselves. Like my now sharing the self confidence I had never felt before. Healing the younger me’s cores. And me at 18 sharing the fitness tips I need to have whispered to me now. To get back on track. And how it felt to express myself in that way. And the therapy it brought. And now washing dishes to college dropout isn’t so suffocation. Because I can go back and tell that me that there’s a way out. A bright light. A beautiful girl to love. New experiences. And i can listen to my youngest me, and the jot of being outside. And I promise him to walk daily. And i tell him we grow to have conversations with our mother that answer all the confusion questions we had back then. We understand the cycle that had our father throwing fists with cops at the front door. Or caving our brother’s chest in under the clothes line.

And we break them.

What did the mad queen say before her spiral? “I’m not going to stop the wheel, I’m going to break the wheel”

Well I’m not going to just stop the generational curses. i am going to shatter them. And scatter the pieces of them across all the places i go.

And build my own wheel of guidance. And loving her the right way. And loving me all ways. And picking up the pieces across all the places i go.

The challenge and toll I took on in Tanzania to face my inner demons. And to fight. And to be stuck in my mind with no where to go. That strength is one spoke on the wheel i am building.

The sense of self I have to develop now in my loneliest times in Abbotsford, another spoke.

The connection with God I found at black bay this summer. The first discovery of real passion in the Himalayas. The love that Malaysia blessed me with. These are the spokes i build on.

So when i turn into new chapters, me and all my past versions come to conquer. We come at peace. We come with love. Because healing is the king that was broken, by the girl that was breaking, at the hands of the broken man….

P.S. this is a working paper so maybe i’ll update over the next couple days