Hard times lead to god ties.
I wonder why it’s when I reach my lowest 
That I seek the most high.
I cry the loudest 
When the pressure’s silence
Weighs on me like rock lee’s anklets. 
Why is it the stories of found Religion 
Come from the deepest hurts.
From the overwhelming need to connect 
While all my demons lurk.
Is it a part of his grand plan 
Or is it freedom of choices to keep us locked in. 
Ways To keep us crawing to him again and again
Or just to stroke and ego akin only to satan.


I wonder.
Is every decision I make  under some type of microscope.
Truly valuable in its own space. 
Truly free and for me to mold.
Or predecided and already wrote.
Why is that the troughs are just the “way it goes”.
But the peaks are few and far between. 
Yet i’m supposed to thank you for all 
even though it seems like it’s all just up to some sort of destiny.
Maybe I don’t even have my own breath to breathe.
And rock bottom has been the worst and the best friend to me.
And somewhere floating in the middle is all i know.
And all i’ve ever been. 
Why is it that I’m supposed to reach out to you but you rarely if ever show.
Any sign that God ties lead to better times. 

And Hard times lead to inner growth. 
And growth leads to understanding.
That the destination is final so either way just enjoy the planning. 
And if you fall sometimes just flip back up and hope you stick the landing.
Because as cruel as god’s wrath could be 
It’s prolly just the same as this fucking planet’s.
Heaven and hell could all be just a state of mind.
And it could go in a flash like barry Allen. 
I wonder if any of this really even matters.

Hard times lead to poem writing.
When the pen and the pad meet,
My mind’s less frantic
 and my heart’s less heavy. 
Hard times stained pages
Torn and battered soul. 
Hard times as fickle as the seasons come and go 
But i hope they outlast us.
Flow soothe your soul like ginger bread molasses.