It Feels like I’m picking my feelings up off the floor again.
Or at least what’s left of them.
I knew this day was going to be coming. My two week notice of being made redundant was handed to me as I walked out the door leaving work today. It’s fine though. Thing have been crazy in the world these last two years.
As I step outside to the cruel embrace of NYC winter I button my jacket shut just for that little extra layer of warmth.
The city seems colder than ever today. The freezing winter breeze squeezing its way through the high-rise of buildings surrounding me on every side.
I lethargically drag myself in the direction of my downtown Manhattan apartment. Not really taking in much of what’s happening around me in the forever bustling streets. The only thing to break me from my clouded thoughts as I stroll the streets is the occasional bumping of shoulders from a stranger refusing to make way for me as we cross paths.
It feels like my soul is hanging behind my body. Watching on from a slight distance as the sadness envelops me.
I feel a mess.
A tear rolls down my cheek and freezes on my faces. Snot bubbling underneath the mask that have been mandatory to wear in public for the last two years. It’s probably more so the cold weather making my nose run than me crying.
I’ve always like the winter better than all the other seasons though. The cold suits me better because I have turned cold as late. Digging myself into a hole of isolation from those that have cared about me most in my life.
I’d knew I would most likely be one of the next people laid off by my job. They’re already let 12 people go due to a crumbling economy. Less demand for our product equals less sales which all means less need for as many employees. The company really seems to be going to shit. A reflection of the world falling apart around us.
A true reflection of how I’m feeling right now.
I pull the scarf my nana knitted for me closer around my neck and tuck the excess into my knee length corduroy winter coat.
I slip my hands into my pockets because I forgot my gloves at home today.
I pull my beanie out of the sleeve on my laptop case and slip it over the top of my head. A staple of my wardrobe since my teenage years.
Now I’m fully equipped to make this long walk home with a least a shred of comfort.
As I walk, I realized I don’t even feel like being home right now. I figure I might as well head over to my favorite Ramen spot in the whole of New York State, Hide-Chan on East 52nd street. At least then I can escape the cold for a bit and warm up as I process what just happened.
As soon as I walk through the door the staff all greet me with smiles and shouts “AYE JAXSON”. Marie, the waitress, tells me I came in at the right time. Someone had just left my usual booth about two minutes before I walked in. I like to sit in the booth against the back wall of the restaurant, kind of away from the kitchen area which has a counter and stools set up right in front of it which leaves you seated right by the door.
I reach my booth and drop my briefcase on the seat across from me. Before I sit down, I take off my coat and scarf leaving me with just my cardigan and beanie to keep me warm from the cold blasts of air that shoot in whenever someone opens the door. Marie asks me if I’d be having my usual and I say of course. You cannot go wrong at Hide-Chan with the eggplant bun, coconut curry ramen and a ice cold can of Coke.
I like to get my food together so it will probably take 10-12 minutes seeing how busy the restaurant is right now. It is a pretty popular space for after work sit-ins and take out so the kitchen would be preparing a lot of food right now.
As I wait I pull my laptop out of its case and log onto the New York Times website to read through the headlines of the day.
The election for NYC Mayor is heating up with slander campaigns starting. Dark times ahead as no politician has really stepped up during the pandemic. There was fire in a lower Manhattan church, and a string of robberies on the subway between 14th street and Times Square were the main headlines of the day so far. In the City That Never Sleeps you’re bound to have more headlines after the sun goes down.
Next, I open up my email to find a message from the company waiting for me. I click on it.
It Reads:
“Dear Mr. Nook,
We regret to inform you that in addition to your two week notice we have to ask you to close out any open accounts you may have. That would mean for you, by the end of notice, finishing any deals you have yet to complete. Any deals that will not be able to be finished before your two weeks will need to be transferred over to one of your colleagues and you will need to provide the company a rundown of all your remaining clients. We will reach out to you if we require further information from or if we have the availability for you to return.”
That will be easy for me as I only have one deal in negotiation right now.
For the last three years, since I graduated from Pace University undergraduate, I have worked for a company called PRINT’D. We specialize in anything printing. We print signs, banners or whatever you may require. We sell printers wholesale or retail. We sell office printers, photography printers, and a new line of 3d printers. We do it all.
I was on the team that was tasked with making sure the 3d printer sales met the projection target.
My sales had been down 30% since last year when I was selling printers and fax machine to office all across the city. And that’s mainly because selling 10-20 printers to an office building was much easier than selling a single 3D printer to any one client.
I was working on a deal to sell discounted 3d printers to the Harlem Public Schools Board, but that deal was going to have to wait to their next quarter’s budget. Now, I wouldn’t even be around until the next quarter kicked in almost 2 months from now.
So now, potentially my biggest sale of the upcoming year, would have to be transferred to a colleague to complete and collection commission from in my absence.
But hey, that’s the company’s problem come two weeks. They can decide what to do with my leftovers.
Why am I acting like this is the end for me and this job?
I’m just being made redundant. I could be brought back when things get back to ‘normal’. All the experts expecting the economy to bounce back this year as travel restrictions ease thanks to widespread success of the vaccine and limited new cases.
I have a feeling this ‘normal’ will still be face masks and social distance when you can. Avoiding anyone that coughs and washing and sanitizing your hands every five minutes.
My food finally arrives. I devour the eggplant bun in two bites, but take my time to enjoy the ramen. I take long slow slurps. Greyish-brown coconut broth splattering on my keyboard as it flies off the noodles as I gulp them up from the bowl.
The flavor’s a little lack luster today. This ramen normally slaps.
Maybe today is just not my day.
I close my laptop, The black and gold Hp Spectre 360, and slip it back into its case. I stuff that into my briefcase and leave the bill and a little tip on the booth table. The good thing about being a regular is I have the price of my meal down. I don’t have to ask for the bill and just leave the money and go whenever I want to.
I throw back on my coast and scarf and head out back into the treacherous cold that’s on the other side of the door.
I swiftly walk to my apartment pretty much jogging my way in once the brick colored building comes into sight.
Walking up the three flights of stairs should be enough to warm me up a bit before I get inside my apartment.
As I reach my door I see a “Rent Due’ paper stuck to it.
It’s now January 5th and I’m officially late on my rent for the past month. I rip the paper off my door and insert my key into the lock and push the door in to enter. I crumple the paper up and throw it towards the trash bin in the kitchen area. It narrowly misses the bin and I commit myself to cleaning it up later. I just go to the bathroom and shower to relax myself a little.
As I wash my hands the dread finally starts to set in. Recently, my hours have been getting cut back more and more every week. Two weeks ago, I was cut down to 30 hours, last week about 25. I did some calculating and it would be barely enough to cover the rent bill for this expensive Manhattan studio apartment.
I dry my hands on the navy-blue hand towel hanging on the shower and walk out the balcony door. The best part of this apartment in that I have a balcony that over looks the Hudson River. There’s a couple chunks of ice flowing down the river today. Not too uncommon for this time of year.
The stress is starting to become overwhelming.
I try to slow my breathing but the cool, crisp, dampening air just makes it harder to do so. My best option is to head back inside.
I pick up my two cactus succulents from the doorway, I place them there so they can catch as much sunlight as possible. I put them back on the shelf above my retractable bed. I have one of those beds that fold down from the wall, it is just much better for space. Less good for comfort but I make do.
I press one foot down the Achilles of the other to remove one shoe from my foot. I then use the free foot to step down on and remove the other shoe, kicking it halfway across the apartment watching it flip to a spot that’s too far for me to pick up right now. I move the comforter on my bed to the side and I collapsed into bed. Letting the depressive thoughts take me over.
This is the same pink comforter my ex-girlfriend left here when she left my life. It keeps me warm and gives me the last piece of her I still have so I hold it tight every time I get the chance. She left as soon as the pandemic initially cooled down and travel restrictions in state relieved a bit. I had not spoken to her since and don’t even know where she moved. She blocked me on all social platforms so there is no way for me to even contact her if I wanted to.
This was all about a year and a half ago right? Time has moved so differently this last two years it has been hard to keep track of everything that’s happened.
I reach over the edge of my bed and pick my laptop out of my briefcase. I grab the charger as well and lean over the other side of the bed to plug it in. I log onto my renter’s association account and pay my $2,300 overdue rent. I then log onto my bank account and see I’m left with about 167 dollars in my account after all the pending holds.
I think I read somewhere once that it is city law that if renters neglect to fix problems with an apartment like a broken sink the tenant can withhold rent until the problem is fixed. I can always clog up my toilet and complain a bit if I get desperate at the end of this month.
I sold eight printers on January second and even with reduced hours for the next two weeks, the commission from that sale should help me secure rent.
I should be good. I bring up Netflix and bring up an old episode of Community. “Paradigms of Human Memory” season 2 episode 20. I feel myself relax ever so slightly and sink a tiny bit more into my bed.
I see my phone screen light up and there is a call incoming from an unsaved number. If there is one thing I hate more than just answering the phone period, it is answer the phone to a number I don’t know.
I reach for my phone. I slide my finger across the screen and put it up to my left ear. Moving my beanie aside just a bit so I can hear the caller properly.
“Hello Jaxson speaking”
“Hello Mr. Nook, this is Mone’, HR for PRINT’D. Just checking up to make sure you received your two week notice letter.”
“Yeah… I got it” I say with a somber tone.
“Well I’ve been informed by management that they wish to pay you out of your contract. This means, they’ll pay you for the two weeks straight up and you won’t have to come on site. This minimizes contact and makes it easier for everyone. This pay will be for your fulltime, 40-hour work week and will be paid to you on Payday. You would though, be able to come into work on Monday to make any final preparations of accounts and such. They would like to know ASAP if you would like to take them up on this offer.”
“Yeah it’s seems fine to me”, I reply with little hesitation.
“Okay then Mr. Nook, I’ll let management know you have accepted their deal and I will email you a copy of an agreement you can print, sign, and scan back to us for confirmation. I will be in contact if anything further is required of you or if we need to inform you of any changes to your job status.”
“Cool, sounds good to me.”
“You have a good day there Mr. Nook”.
“Thank you, Have a good one.” I hang up and toss my phone to the side.
Two weeks of pay with no need to do the work. Sounds like a plan to me.
Dream Big 