After cleaning everything up I look and see its 7pm. Still early in the day for me when sometimes I don’t sleep til 6am.

I sit down on the edge of my bed and start to pump myself up. Today is the day I go outside.

I’m going to go and grab a bowl of ramen.

Maybe even sit in.

I stand by the door for about five minutes battling the anxiety that’s welling up inside me. Telling me it’s stupid to go outside.

I go over to my over-bed shelf and grab my Skullcandy over ear headphones. I open the apple music app on my phone and click on a self made playlist I started creating during the dark weeks I had just overcome. Plenty of Earl Sweatshirt, MF DOOM, Tyler the Creator and Daniel Caesar, mixed in with a bunch of other random songs.

I grab my wallet. And slip it all into my small backpack. I through it over one shoulder and tackle the city.

I end up catching the subway to Momosan at Lexington Ave.

As I open to go in the restaurant one of the waitresses, saying the only spots open where at the open counter top area they have.

I sit down in the only available seat and keep my head down.

As I wait for my food I feel overwhelmed with anxiety. Feeing like everyone in the restaurant was just staring at me as I sat there.

When I get my order I feel even worse thinking everyone was now watching me as I ate.

I try to keep my head down and just power through just this one bowl.

When I hear the chair squeak beside me and the girl sitting in it ask if I eat here often.

I look up to see if I was being talked to and was awe-struck when I locked eyes with who was sitting next to me.

One of the most beautiful girls I had ever seen. Feed-in braids. M letter gold chain. A leather jacket, hoodie, some blue jeans and Doc Martins.

I choke on my words at first. I haven’t done this in a while.

“No this is my first time here.” I manage to chalk up.

“Well consider yourself lucky this is the best Ramen spot in the whole of NYC.” She gently inserts. Her voice taking away all the noise of the restaurant. Her glow giving me something to focus on.

“Uhh, I disagree. The best Ramen is clearly Hide-Chan down on 52nd.”

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME?” She asks “Don’t tell me that’s the same spot down there with the doo doo colored broth”.

“The same one”.

I get lost in the conversation.

Some time and good coversation later she brings out her phone to check the time and says she should get going. She had an early class at NYU and needed to get some studying in. She was studying film editing and really needed to get use editing “Mise en scene” shots and was watching films that really had that technique down pack.

I pull out my phone and see that its 8:45.

I had been here for almost an hour and a half. Much longer than I intended. But thankfully, also a much better experience than I had hoped for.

Before she stepped away, I realize I hadn’t asked her name.

“Luna, like the moon”.

Fitting for someone as gravitational as her.

I ask if we could exchange numbers and maybe I could take her to Hide Chan sometime to show her some real ramen.

She said she had a good time but is really bust with school. But ends up giving me her number before she leaves.

#Going on out dates has given me something to look forward to.

A reason to drag myself out of bed everyweek.

A reason to get showers and abstain from drinking so much.

Now, I only drink when we go out. And even then I tend it’s nothing more than a few glasses of wine.

Luna And I had already gone on five dates and things we’re looking good.

I’ve been telling her I hadn’t been working because I’m in between jobs.

I had moved on from one job only because I had another one in line to start right after things in the city calmed down a little bit more.

Restrictions were starting to ease bit by bit in the and the city was becoming as lively as it once was so I figured it was a reasonable excuse to use. That I’d be starting another job soon.

But the truth is, I never even started to look for any other work. I really just started getting outside my apartment once I met her. I know, technically I still have a job until I’m terminated fully. But, I don’t see them bringing me back on any time soon. I don’t know why, but it just felt like lying to her about my job situation seemed to be the right move. It left little room to question the lack of self care and ambition I’d been displaying recently. I didn’t feel comfortable letting her see me for the unmotivated sack of nothing I had truly become. And it surely less room for me to disappoint her.

I’ve been trying to bring up a way to tell her the truth but i’m sure at this point it’d probably be easier for me to actually just start looking for another job then to let her know i had lied to her. even though it isn’t that big of a lie.

You know, people everywhere always say starting relationships off on lies is a shaky foundation. I agree.

#Tonight I told Luna to be ready by 8pm. When i arrived outside her place in the uber i was awe-struck as she walked down her steps. Her hair in fresh passion twists. She was rocking the white high top comme de garcon sneakers some jeans and a denim fleec jacket with a scarf. Swarovski crystal glimmering around her neck. Simple, but oh so stylish. What really was catching my eye was how much this new hairstyle really suited her. The way she had it pulled back and tucked behind her Head.

I ordered us an uber and reserved us my booth at Hide Chan ramen. The place of our first date. A place we still debated over and we’d had at least three times alread since we startewd dating.

She had been saying she loves ice skating but hadn’t been able to go yet this year. So after eating at Hide Chan I ubered us down to union square where I spent most of my time on the floor of the rink. I left with nothing but a sore bumm and a thin thread of my dignity still in tact.

Next, we ended the night by going to a comedy show in Times Square before going our seperate ways. I ordered he an uber home as she had early plans made for the next day so ending the night here was good for her. A great evening with a great girl.

I decided i’d get on the subway back home. I had asked my borther to send me some money from back home, and because he knew I wasn’t working he actually sent some to me. If he knew I was using it to date someoone and not for essentials I’m sure he’d be livid.

As i’m walking through time square I see the AMC theatre has an “for work: apply online today sign in the window.”

I think to myself why tf not. So as i’m walking, i put head down in my phone I creat an account on AMC’s website, scroll down to the careers tab down the bottom. I fill out the application before I reach my apartment.

I wake up the next day and I see two notifications in my outlook inbox. One, an automated response from AMC but the other was an email from asking when I can meet with them on zoom to move on with my application process.

I didn’t think they’d actually respond especially not this quick. I sure am happy though As I’ve been scraping through my savings to pay rent. And I might still need to figure out a way to cover rent this month as I’m running low on funds.

This could be a good start for me. A way to get back into the routine of working again and get back on my feet. A way to give myself something to distract myself with. Something I can show to Luna to prove I’m serious about finding work.

I can start here and still look for other work.

The next day at 2pm I call with AmC times square and all goes pretty well. They say I’m pretty qualified to be working at the theatre and say they have a managerial role open in their Lincoln square location and talked to me about possibly taking that position.

I tell them that works for me. And for the first time in my life I was asked “ when can you start?” I thought that only happened in tv shows.

I tell them I can start as soon as required and they told me keep an eye on my phone and they’d hit me back when they’ve made a decision.

Later that same evening I got another call offering me the managerial position. They say i can start on Thursday which is normally the slowest day they have.

They gives me two days to do all the necesities. Cut my hair. Shave my beard. Get some new clothes. Even though im sure there’ll be uniforms for me.

After I started Working at the theater I picked up all the tasks and everything i needed to know pretty soon. After three days, I was working double shifts.

Clocking in as many hours at the theatre as i can so i can make up for all my expenses.

My time to spend with Luna had become limited. Which is fine because I’m sure shes swamped with work and school. Shes been taking up some part time hours at a Zumies by her apartment to help her pay her way through school. A Real grind.

A couple more weeks pass this way. Luna and I sort’ve just drifted apart. We hadn’t spoken much and hadn’t seen each other in over a month.

I was already growing tired of the theater. The only perk is watching movies whenever i want.

The pay is alright. Barely enough to get by.

This febraury cold is hitting different. Freezing. I hate the morning commute to work. Walking these cold ass NY streets.

# I get home from work around 11pm to three miss calls. I played back my voicemail and it was HR at PRINT’D asking me to reach back out to them.

As soon as I had my first break time at the theater the next day at work. I call PRINT’d and after a five minute phone call I was told I could come back to work the following monday.

I end that phone call and call the full time AmC location manager who wasn’t going to be in today to break the news to them. I tell them I wouldn’t mind putting in extra shifts here and there until they found a replacement for me. Just to help out when I can. The staff loves me. And I love all them. Its a real good crew.

# “1 new whatsapp message”

Luna:

“Hey! Just wanted to let you know I passed all of my midterms. Great grades. I have this weekend off to have a break before starting the second half of this senster. I was thinking of grabbing a booth at the SECOND best ramen spot in NYC around 8pm. I’m sure there’ll be space at the back booth for someone else if you’re free. Hit me back and let me know”

This life is strange. It’s so unpredictable and that’s the beauty. Although, I found myself neck deep in chaos and depression. I really just needed to award myself the same forgivness I give everything else in my life. The lows and highs are natural. Look how it’s reflected everywhere in nature, mountain peaks and valleys, or canyons. All right next to each other. I just needed to remind myself that it’s fine to feel how I was feeling. Especially in the post pandemic world where everything was unsure and overwhelming. Uncomfortable.

And It’s fine that I experience that in my everyday lives. I just needed to find a way to actively seek out beating the discomfort. And urger myself face first into growth.

I owe it all to Luna though.

She was my light in the darkest times. And she will forever be the best part of me. Because she ended up reaching out to me when I needed it most. Just a reminder to give your loved ones their roses while they are still here. To help each other through. It makes it easier