Here We go again.

It’s easy to look out at the vast, cold, chaotic waters of the sea of life and feel overwhelmed.

Small.

Lost.

Scared of what’s waiting for you beyond what’s in your immediate view.

And that’s been me lately.

Feeling intimidated by my lack of purpose. Lack of understanding in who I am and who I’m destined to be. It Feels like I’m drowning yet I haven’t even taken the risk to step out into the open ocean. The waves crashing into the shore kicking up so much salt spray that I’ve felt lost in a cloud of gray. Not sure if I’m going forward or backwards.

Stagnant.

Caught deep in the monotonous everyday motions of work. Sleep. Eat.

Then in the rare moments the salt spray dies down a bit and the cloud begins to clear. It gets better for a while. You know how it goes. I feel like there’s gotta be some way for me to tackle this crazy World. But then I come to a halt. Why would I step out into the grand ‘ole ocean when I’ve made a comfortable place splashing around in the warm puddles of the tide pools I’m use to. The ripples I create so small on the cosmic scale. Longing for my ripples to turn into tsunamis. Because every atom in my body tells me I can be so much more.

Emotions carry me like waves.

The horizon becomes clearer. My destination becomes closer. I’m on the crest of the wave and I can see everything I want within my view. I feel like i’m flying.

And I’m not so afraid of the fewture. Because I know the fewture is going to be what I make it.

But then from that high I come Crashing back down.

Deep into a trough. And everything becomes dark. And it feels like I’m about to be swallowed up.

Hopeless.

Once again feeling overwhelmed by the vastness of the ocean I see around me.

But I gotta push through.

So here I am now.

At my crossroads of destiny.

Should I stay here.

Lethargically stumbling along the high water mark.

Feeling discomfort.

The cloud of fear and uncertainty is sure to make its way back into my view soon.

Because I’ve been acting too afraid of what the sea holds for me right now to take that blind leap of faith.

That Ezio Auditore.

But i know should I go.

Submerge myself beyond that place of fear.

The place where success and bliss exist.

I can’t let what’s behind me define where I go from now. Can’t let it limit me.

Can’t let this self doubt I’ve been feeling swallow me up.

The security of being safe on the shorline, but being slammed back and forth like a piece of trash trapped in the receding waves of horseshoe bay has become unappealing to me.

My souls cries for more.

I don’t want to end up like an old sole washed up on the rocks forgotten and withering.

My intuition is tingling.

Time is still ticking.

One step at a time I will doggy paddle my way forward to the horizon.

Towards my dreams and goals.

Until I reach my sunset and I can take one last look back on the journey Across the waters and hopefully be satisfied with all my experiences.

Hopefully leaving behind a display of colors unseen before. The most beautiful sunset the world’s ever known. Leaving one last positive moment for the world to view.

As someone who is in my shoes now looks out at their ocean contemplating what’s next for them. And hopefully Finds inspiration through my words. My life. My presence. Knowing they’re not alone.

We can do this.

And together we can make it easier.

We out here.

2020 straight doo doo water.

Like sun rays fighting their way through the stormiest skies

I feel as if I’ve been at odds with the universe

I hope she plans to take it easy on me