So, it’s now March 3^rd and the weather is shit so there couldn’t be a better time to pick up my pen, clear my head, and reflect on the blessings and curses of this past year. Thankfully in 2017, I had the amazing chance to travel Asia. I ended up visiting 3 countries, and wouldn’t change those five months for anything.  I must admit since returning home, I’ve been very afraid to face my feelings. I was scared that many of the smaller moments, the type of memories that make an experience unique, would be forgotten. But I was even more terrified that the bigger moments, the memories that replay daily, would leave me feeling suffocated, even though I was back on our tiny piece of paradise. But that’s okay, for now, I will just let the sounds of the 70s, (‘Shalamar This is for the Lover in You’), take me away, clear my mind, and I’ll write to my heart’s pleasure.

Honestly, I had some serious reconnecting to do. I needed to reconnect with nature, reconnect with positive people, but mostly with myself. Throughout my journey, I had one common theme. I honestly just wanted to be free and live each experience to the fullest. I had a newfound philosophy of simply “letting shit go” that I wanted to put into practice and this was the perfect opportunity. I could give 100 percent of myself to every and anything I set out to do, and make the most of my travels.

When I first set out in late June, I was struggling to find happiness in all that was happening around me. Those of you that know me, know how big Raleigh has been in my life. That being said, going on a third expedition ended up being one of the worst choices I could’ve made at the time. I simply wasn’t enjoying it and my mind was torn from the start. Playing a game of tug of war with my heart. Because while I loved Sabah, and the people around me (except Jawonday) I knew that being in the Raleigh International space again just wasn’t right for me.  This meant, trying to not let my mental struggle affect others became such a trying task that it left me feeling drained most days. Maybe, I could’ve waited a couple of years and came back as a ‘Volunteer Manager’ and that would’ve been a better option for me.

To avoid letting my actions reflect my mindset I set myself a goal. During the first week of the expedition I decided, “If you’re going to be unhappy, please try to avoid bringing those around you down. Be the inspiration to drive your peers into believing we can be the creative, innovative, passionate forces for changes in this world. And like I say so often now, show them that we’re in that valuable space of transitioning between being ‘The Future’ and ‘The present’. And that going for what we believe in couldn’t happen at a better time than now.” I don’t know how successful I was at this, or if I was a good leader, but I truly hope anyone whose life I encountered this year is better having met me. I know I’m much better having met so many inspiring people. And owe them many thanks for, in the end, helping me out of my slump. Also, thanks for helping me to have so many amazing experiences. For giving me glimpses of inspiration daily.  And mostly, for helping to guide me to discover passions and hunger that I’ve never felt before. Thanks.

To Raleigh: A Final Goodbye:

This 3^rd expedition was a much bigger challenge for me than it should’ve been. Maybe it was a sign that it’s time for me to find a new avenue to explore my passions and see the world, for now, at least. I did some things on that expedition that I’m not proud of and let myself down in many ways. But I know for a fact it’s a chance to learn from my mistakes instead of running from them. You know Timon puts it best, “you gotta put your past behind ya.”

This reflection is just another lesson for me to grow through. I will be accepting of my flaws, highlight the new values I’ve found in myself, and make sure to not let the past be a determining factor for my fewture*. I won’t be too hard on myself though because I know this is all part of being human.

Raleigh, you were the baby steps… I knew how to crawl before you, and I will use your lessons to help me find my stride. You helped me in so many ways. You showed me the confidence, charisma, strength, and purpose I had tucked deep inside myself. You sparked my passions for, community change, youth involvement and development, global change and environmental protection. And you’ve been the biggest factor in the man I’m becoming every day. Thanks to you and all the lessons from the past five years (because believe me a lot of this didn’t come to me right away) I will chase my dreams and Soar!

I hope to be a mover and shaker of this world’s future. Raleigh, you were the stepping stones, to give me the confidence to become everything I want to see in my lifetime. Whether I’m the voice or just a catalyst for change for a voice I believe in is yet to be determined but I look to inspire daily.

So one last thanks is well overdue.

~Dave